Meng Ou’s POV: Extra
How Have Things Been After a Thousand Days? Are You Happy?
The autumns in City A grew drier with every passing year.
One morning, when Meng Ou got out of bed, he felt some discomfort in his nose. He wiped it with the back of his finger and came away with a hand covered in blood, which looked rather frightening.
After cleaning up his blood-smeared face in front of the mirror, he did not hurry to leave. Instead, he stood before the mirror and looked at himself.
He had been looking at the same face for more than twenty years, yet for some reason, the longer he looked, the more unfamiliar it seemed.
The apartment he was renting now was in an old residential complex. His landlord was an elderly man in his seventies who was still hale and hearty, always laughing heartily.
Renting here had been something of a lucky find. He had originally taken a liking to another apartment in the complex, and while waiting for the agent, he struck up a conversation with the old man.
At the time, the previous tenant had just moved out. The two of them chatted for a while. In the end, the old man rented this apartment to him at a price below market rate.
The old man’s pension was higher than his salary, and he also owned several other apartments. He rented this one out purely to earn a little spending money and relieve his boredom.
When they had nothing else to do, the two of them would chat for a few minutes. The old man said that the reason he had been willing to rent to him cheaply was that they had simply taken to each other, and he felt Meng Ou was a decent young man.
“I have a granddaughter, just turned eighteen. Interested in waiting for her?” the old man asked half-jokingly.
Meng Ou smiled along awkwardly. “Probably not appropriate.”
“Then I have a grandniece who’s a year older than you. She’s a doctor. How about that?” For an elderly man, matchmaking seemed to be a particularly suitable way to pass the time...
Meng Ou shook his head. “I haven’t even established myself yet. I’m not thinking about these things right now.”
“By the time you’ve established yourself, it’ll be too late!” The old man looked like he had plenty of experience. “I’ve met too many people like you. If you rely on working for a living, you won’t have a chance until you’re in your thirties or forties. Are you really going to wait until then to find someone?”
The old man patted him. “Use your head. What are you working so hard for?”
At the time, Meng Ou thought that he was working hard so that he could establish himself in City A.
And after he had established himself?
He did not know, or perhaps he simply did not want to think about it.
When he applied to terminate his lease, the old man looked surprised.
“What a shame. You were staying here just fine. Why are you leaving all of a sudden?”
The words sounded familiar. His boss had said something similar to him too.
Looking back on it now, Meng Ou still felt very sorry.
Back then, his boss had called him into the office and told him that his company’s application to establish itself in City A had been approved. Moreover, one of the company leaders was going to retire the following month, and his immediate superior would be taking that person’s position. The company intended for Meng Ou to fill the vacancy left behind.
His boss had looked delighted, genuinely happy for him.
But Meng Ou could not bring himself to feel happy.
He apologized to his boss, then went back and hurriedly finished the resignation letter he had only written halfway before submitting it.
His boss looked just as surprised as the old man had, with a little disappointment and anger mixed in.
“You’re about to become a person of City A. Why are you leaving?”
Meng Ou lowered his head. The explanation was stuck in his heart, and in the end, all he could say was, “I’m sorry.”
The news that he was about to resign quickly spread throughout the entire department, and everyone came to see him off.
More than half of the people in the department were from other places, so they could understand Meng Ou’s feelings very well.
But they were equally puzzled.
Wasn’t the whole point of struggling so hard all alone here to get a household registration? Why leave just when he was finally about to get it?
There was still one free day between his official departure from the company and the date of his ticket home.
Meng Ou took the subway to his alma mater and, starting from there, walked forward along the city.
He began to look at this city all over again.
This city that had brought him dreams and their destruction, hope and disappointment.
He had a very good friend in university named Zou Xu.
Zou Xu had been his classmate and roommate. They were both from the same province, so they could be considered half-hometown friends.
Zou Xu’s family circumstances were not as good as his, and the educational conditions at the high school he attended had not been as good either. But Zou Xu had worked much harder than he did, and in the end, the two of them had arrived at the same place.
Four years of university passed in the blink of an eye. Both of them decided to stay in City A, and both took the first step toward establishing themselves there.
Meng Ou had been very proud back then.
He held a diploma from a prestigious university and had an impressive résumé. While the people around him were still wavering and searching, he had already found a pretty good job.
The world was a slowly unfurling scroll beneath his feet, and he felt that his future was filled with light.
And in the future he envisioned, Xiang You naturally appeared everywhere.
Their brief period of living together had already become part of his blueprint. He wanted to work hard alongside Xiang You and build their little home here together.
But reality did not go according to his wishes.
When he realized that Xiang You genuinely wanted to leave, he became trapped in confusion day after day.
In all his life, this was the first time he had ever felt this way.
That feeling of having no control over his life, of drifting helplessly from place to place.
He wanted his own future, and he wanted Xiang You too.
But in the end, he had to make a choice.
He told Zou Xu about it.
Zou Xu was a lifelong single man who had never been in a relationship and had no interest in one. He was like a machine that kept moving forward, charging toward his goal at full speed, so single-minded that at times it was almost frightening.
This was not a difficult problem for Zou Xu.
He was even absolutely certain when he said, “If you go back because of this, you’ll definitely regret it later.”
Deep down, Meng Ou vaguely agreed with Zou Xu.
From the first time he came to City A, he had wanted to stay here, and he had made countless efforts to do so.
But he could not let go of Xiang You either.
So he asked around everywhere and pulled every connection he could, finally finding a good place for her as well.
He thought that if all he offered was an empty promise, no one would be willing to believe him. He decided to arrange everything properly first, then discuss it with her.
But what he had not anticipated was that Xiang You was much more stubborn than he had imagined.
Looking back on all the years they had spent together, Xiang You was a very special girl in his eyes.
This specialness did not come from his love for her. Not long after they first met, Meng Ou had already felt that she was different.
She had a small world entirely her own, and she would always retreat into it without warning.
The two contradictory words “dull” and “clever” could be perfectly fused in her.
She was innocent and pure, kind and sincere, like a fragile porcelain doll, yet unexpectedly resilient.
Meng Ou loved every one of these qualities about her.
And yet, in the end, they were also what brought everything to an end.
On the day he was told they were breaking up, Meng Ou was a little petulant.
He always felt that Xiang You had sentenced him to death without even listening to his plans and arrangements.
It would be a long time before he realized that, before this, it had actually been him who had ignored Xiang You’s opinions countless times.
And so the two of them parted in such a hurry.
Meng Ou was a little dazed.
Could nearly five years of love really be severed in an instant?
At any rate, he could not sever it.
He called Xiang You, sent her messages, only to be met with busy signals and exclamation marks.
In the end, after going through all sorts of trouble, he found out the date Xiang You was going back.
The day before, Meng Ou spent the entire night in his rented apartment.
He sat blankly by the window. The moon that night was exceptionally round, yet what it happened to illuminate was separation.
All night, he went over their more than four years together again and again.
He did not think about the future. He did not think about dreams.
Xiang You, Xiang You. His mind was filled with nothing but Xiang You.
Only when he was truly about to lose her did he understand how much he needed her.
It was his first time being in love. He was clumsy and childish, acting entirely on instinct.
Sometimes, when he got particularly annoying, even he himself found himself irritating.
But he could not control it. Whenever he was in front of Xiang You, his true nature would come completely to the surface.
In front of her, he was relaxed, happy, and free.
There was no one else like her who could make him be completely, wholeheartedly himself.
At daybreak, dark circles under his eyes, he hurriedly tidied himself up and rushed to the airport.
He did not want to think about anything anymore.
To hell with his prospects, his future, his dreams, all those hollow and ethereal things. He knew only that the person he loved was truly about to leave him.
Xiang You was such a softhearted person.
No matter how many times he had angered her before, she would always forgive him in the end.
Whenever she encountered a beggar, she would always give a little. Whenever she saw a kitten with a lame leg, her eyes would turn red.
But that day, Xiang You suddenly became so cruel.
Only after her back had completely disappeared from his sight did he finally sit down in a chair, bend his back, cover his face, and cry in a thoroughly disheveled state.
When was the last time he had cried this hard?
It was during that PE class in his second year of high school. He had thought Xiang You had accepted someone else’s confession, and he had desperately tried to win her back, only to be harshly dismissed by her.
That time, he had thought he was going to lose her.
But this time, it was real.
After returning, he took some annual leave. After spending several days in a daze, he finally decided to start over.
Love was merely something external. Maybe it was not that important after all...
Wasn’t it?
Otherwise, how could Xiang You have let go so effortlessly?
If she could do it, why couldn’t he?
Meng Ou began working hard and making money.
Being busy had one advantage: it could stuff his brain completely full, leaving him no room to think about anything else.
When he really could not hold out any longer, he would go to find Zou Xu.
Zou Xu seemed to possess an endless supply of motivation and never seemed to get tired.
Every time Meng Ou saw him, he would be inspired a little more.
But there were always moments even Zou Xu could not help him through.
Actually, every year when he returned to his hometown, he would transfer trains at Changrui and stay there for a day.
He never truly expected to find her in a vast crowd, like searching for a needle in a haystack. He simply wanted to see the city where she lived, walk the roads she had walked, and, in a daze, perhaps feel something of her presence.
Until one time, he really saw her.
More precisely, he saw them.
Xiang You was wearing a beige long dress, the layers upon layers of gauze looking very gentle.
What might have been even gentler was the expression on her face as she held the hand of the man beside her.
So that kind of expression was not something she could only show when she was with him.
Everything there seemed to be a picture of peaceful years, while Meng Ou instinctively hid himself in the shadows, like a rat that could not bear the light.
His own life truly seemed to dim in an instant.
Before this, he had always harbored some unrealistic expectations.
He always felt that as long as Xiang You remained single, they still had a chance.
Even though he had no idea how to resolve the problem standing between them.
But now, even that faint hope was like the foam blown from a bottle of cheap bubble solution...
It trembled its way halfway through the air before going “pop” and bursting into nothing.
Actually, over the years, quite a few girls had shown an interest in him.
They were all very good.
But none of them were Xiang You.
He had rejected them before because he was always fantasizing that he and Xiang You still had a chance.
But what about now?
He still seemed unable to begin a new relationship. Even just imagining it felt strange.
Holding hands with someone else, kissing someone else, telling someone else that he loved them...
How had Xiang You managed to do it?
Why was he so useless?
Then forget it.
Maybe he should learn from Zou Xu. What did love matter? None of it was as important as his career.
He should broaden his horizons and stop letting these trivial little affections confine him.
When the business trip notice came down, Meng Ou stared at the place name on it and could not help laughing.
Why did it have to be this place?
Refusing it would be rather absurd, not to mention that he felt he had already moved on.
It was simply an ordinary city inhabited by more than ten million people.
More than ten million people who meant nothing to him.
The business trip went smoothly. He even finished his work half a day early.
With the remaining half-day free, he grew a little bored staying at the hotel and decided to go out for a walk.
Even now, he did not know whether he should take this step.
Apart from the landmark buildings, the other places were really just streets and neighborhoods that looked much the same.
Meng Ou wandered aimlessly through the streets, observing the people passing by.
This was Xiang You’s hobby.
Whenever the two of them walked down the street hand in hand, her gaze was always intensely focused.
Sometimes Meng Ou was curious about what she was looking at. He would follow her gaze, only to find nothing more than some utterly ordinary scene.
Yet Xiang You could always analyze it and find something different in it.
He was genuinely curious about how many strange and wonderful things were actually crammed inside Xiang You’s head.
Poor Meng Ou did not have such an interesting brain, so naturally he could not see anything interesting either.
People, people, people. People who all looked the same, boring people.
In Meng Ou’s eyes, they were people walking, people looking at their phones, people listening to music, and people drinking coffee...
And Xiang You.
Through a pane of glass, he miraculously saw her again.
She was wearing a loose white dress. Whenever she sat down, part of the skirt would puff up, looking very much like she was holding a balloon in her arms.
Sometimes, when Meng Ou was bored with nothing to do, he would help pat it flat for her...
Of course, he would also deliberately take the opportunity to pat her stomach and joke, “Let’s see if the watermelon’s ripe yet.”
Without exception, he would always end up getting a beating from Xiang You.
Meng Ou often wondered if he really was a little bit of a masochist.
He always liked provoking Xiang You until she got angry, only to get beaten up by her.
And so he stood by the window watching her.
Amid all the people coming and going, he alone remained standing there, his gaze burning, like some strange peeping tom.
Xiang You had probably started sinking into her own thoughts again.
She mechanically stirred her coffee, her gaze unfocused, completely unaware that there was someone by the window.
Really, what was there to look at?
She already had someone else, didn’t she?
Yet he could not move his eyes or his legs.
Gradually, his gaze began to wander.
He no longer focused solely on Xiang You and also began glancing repeatedly toward the entrance of the café.
He was hesitating over whether to go inside.
Knowing full well that she was seeing someone, to rashly disturb an ex was very impolite.
Put more seriously, it was downright immoral.
And Xiang You had extremely high moral standards.
But Meng Ou did not.
He was vulgar, lewd, shameless.
He simply wanted to see her once. He simply wanted to sit in front of her and talk to her.
He knew she had someone else, and he also knew that his thoughts were shameful.
Go ahead and curse him.
He did not care.
And so he walked into the café.
Because he was nervous, his whole body was somewhat stiff, like a black stick planted in front of the counter.
From the corner of his eye, he sensed Xiang You looking at him.
That gaze, which had been gone from him for far too long, had finally fallen on him again.
Meng Ou boldly stepped toward her, only to see her pull her hat down.
He understood. That gesture represented “don’t bother me,” meaning she did not welcome him.
But he had thick skin.
He simply went over and sat down uninvited, trying to joke around with her as they had in the past.
His courage was not exactly small, but if you said it was great, well, perhaps it was not all that great either.
They talked about this and that, chatting about everything under the sun, yet neither dared to talk about the things they truly wanted to discuss.
His courage had already been exhausted the moment he sat down in front of her.
And then everything started again from zero.
His courage gradually accumulated, and once his charge was full, he unleashed his ultimate move...
Only to have it easily defused.
Meng Ou felt dejected, powerless, desperate, and lost.
He would even rather Xiang You had rejected him because she had someone else, rather than because even if she were single, it would still be impossible for her to be with him again.
So the experience on the street that day had not even been the worst of it. This was the real dead end.
He returned to City A.
This time, he did not even try to tell himself to cheer up.
After all, the facts were already right in front of him. This was simply how things were, and there was no way to turn them around anymore. If he did not work himself to the bone, what else could he do?
The unexpected happened more than a month after he returned to City A.
He suddenly received Zou Xu’s obituary.
He had died suddenly of cardiac arrest on his way home after working overtime one day, without any warning.
The moment he received the message, Meng Ou stood motionless in the subway station for a very long time.
The subway trains came and went. He missed the last train and had no choice but to leave the station in a sorry state and hail a taxi.
When he reached his destination, he was so dazed that he forgot to get out of the car in time.
The driver called out to him. He raised his eyes and stared blankly at him.
The driver frowned and told him to get out quickly. He still had another passenger to pick up.
This busy city would not stop for anyone.
It was the first time he had truly felt the weight of death.
When his maternal grandfather died, he had only been four years old and understood nothing.
But now, he watched helplessly as someone who had still been talking to him the day before disappeared from his world forever.
Death was not water dissolving into water at all. It was a piece of flesh being violently carved out of every person with whom there had been an emotional bond.
Some people’s wounds would heal. Others would become permanent marks that could never be touched.
Zou Xu’s funeral was held in his hometown. Meng Ou wanted to take two days off, but his request was not approved.
In his anger, he found it somewhat absurd.
On the way back, he thought about what he had spent his entire life striving for.
When he was young, he worked hard at his studies so he could get into a good university.
After getting into a good university, he worked hard so he could stay in City A.
And then?
Then what?
He actually had no idea where the road ahead was supposed to lead.
So what if he had obtained a household registration? So what if he had bought a house?
Perhaps he would remain single for the rest of his life. Or perhaps, at some point, he would compromise, just as Xiang You had said, and find someone suitable.
His whole life would be spent muddling through, endlessly settling for what was merely passable or suitable.
Of course, it was also possible that it would end abruptly, regretfully, in some fleeting moment.
He began interrogating himself again and again, asking whether this was really what he wanted.
And the answer was very clear.
This road had finally reached its end.
Meng Ou stood in the plaza outside the shopping mall, looking up at the advertisement for the cha chaan teng.
That was where they had broken up.
He did not go upstairs. Instead, he turned toward the subway station.
This was the end point, and it was about to become a new starting point.
He came to Changrui.
At this moment, he carried a new state of mind, one that made him feel as though he had returned to the day he first left the university campus.
Everything was new and filled with hope.
With a decent résumé, he quickly found a new job.
The salary was slightly lower than in City A, but after factoring in the cost of living and rent, he was able to save considerably more each month.
He had also carefully examined the company. If he stayed there long-term, the room for advancement was fairly promising.
His parents had always kept money aside for him to buy a house. Back home, they also had two vacant houses, which he could live in, rent out, or sell as he pleased.
He had saved quite a bit of money during his time in City A. Buying a house there would be a stretch for him at present, but in Changrui, it would not be much of a problem.
As for a car, he was currently driving an old one his family had retired from use. His parents had asked him many times when they should buy him one of his own.
He had always refused, saying they could wait.
He wanted to hear another person’s opinion.
In short, just as he had done last time, he planned everything out.
If there was one difference, it was that he no longer tried to arrange Xiang You’s life for her.
In fact, if Xiang You ever made another change, he was willing to follow her.
Anywhere was fine. Anywhere was fine, as long as he could remain by her side.
He would arrange his own life properly and become someone worthy of her reliance...
Then he would put every choice in her hands.
Meng Ou had thought everything through perfectly.
He had made every possible preparation, wanting to show her the best side of himself.
But what he had not expected was that in the end, he would become a pathetic drunk, reappearing before her in the most wretched state imaginable.
Leaning against her shoulder, he hated himself enough to want to slap himself twice.
But he wanted even more to kiss her gently.
Unfortunately, it seemed he could not do anything for the moment.
Then he would tell her how he felt first.
He was too childish, too clumsy.
The beginning of this relationship had been a moment of impulse in which he laid his heart bare.
So now, let him be impulsive one more time.
Could he please, please beg her to take pity on him and turn around to look at him again?!
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