Staying or Leaving
It started to rain. The glass skylight in the ceiling caught the rainwater, and the pattering sound was exceptionally crisp and clear. One drop of water covered another, merging into rivulets and forming a broken spiderweb.
A thick wool carpet covered the attic floor. Zhuyu lay on Sizhao’s chest, the two of them half reclining on the carpet and whispering to each other. The rain was too loud, and sometimes they had to lean close to one another just to make themselves heard.
“I thought it would be very, very difficult, that it would take three or five years to get done. I never imagined it would be over so quickly. Sigh, things that seem as difficult as reaching the heavens to ordinary people are effortless for certain people in this world.”
Sizhao had one arm around Zhuyu’s waist and was holding an English book in one hand, reading as he lazily said, “That’s why I told you not to worry before. It wasn’t difficult to resolve. But the more I told you that, the more you thought I didn’t care, that I was just brushing you off with empty words...” He put on an aggrieved look and sighed. “It’s really not easy being me.”
Zhuyu deliberately ignored him, then suddenly remembered something.
“This time, it was because we ran into an idiot who wants to build an art museum in the mountains. He says it’s to develop the cultural industry. God, I can’t even imagine what his business will look like in the future. Who’s going to come all the way to the mountains to look at contemporary art?”
“Him? You don’t need to worry about him. Real estate groups like that have plenty of money with nowhere to spend it. Using it to open an art museum is about as suitable as it gets. Hou Zicheng’s family has a very solid foundation. No matter how he plays around, the whole thing won’t collapse.” Sizhao spoke absentmindedly, his eyes still fixed on the pages of his book.
Fine. That worked too. She wasn’t going to concern herself with it anymore.
“Danhu said he’s not going to return the watch to you.” Zhuyu watched his expression carefully.
He didn’t concern himself with other people’s money, but this was his own possession, and Sizhao’s expression naturally changed.
“I knew it. No matter what you give him, in the end it’s always gone for good. But it doesn’t matter this time.” He leisurely turned another page.
“You’ve had a change of heart?”
“That was Dad’s watch. He bought one for each of us, planning to give them to us when we came of age. That one was originally meant for him.”
Zhuyu found this strange. “Why didn’t you tell him?”
“If I told him, he wouldn’t take it. Have you ever seen those videos of feeding medicine to a husky? You try to feed it properly and it refuses to eat, but the moment you pretend to drop it on the floor, it rushes over and licks the medicine clean.”
Sizhao smiled with refined elegance, but to Zhuyu, this man was more than just cunning.
“What about yours? Why have I never seen you wear it?”
He said without the slightest sense of guilt, “I appreciate Dad’s kindness, but I’m not going to wear it. A famous watch covered in gemstones isn’t within my aesthetic tastes. The husky’s taste, on the other hand, happens to match Dad’s.”
The more he talked, the more animated he became. He put the book down altogether. “Hey, don’t you think my little brother really is just like a stupid dog? Even if all I’m holding is imaginary food, he’ll still come over and chew on it for ages.”
Zhuyu propped herself up on a pillow with her elbow and looked down at his animated expression. Whenever this man started talking badly about someone else, his eyes suddenly lit up. He could be quite ridiculously stupid himself.
She lowered her head and kissed his cheek. His mischievous smile abruptly stopped. The two of them held each other and rolled together until the rain stopped.
When the rain stopped, it was only a little past six. The glass skylight had already turned ink-blue. Winter evenings grew dark extremely early. The room was warm and cozy. Their skin pressed against each other, white and light-wheat-colored skin overlapping, giving them the color of cocoa milk.
Forehead against forehead, their breathing mingled steadily. Zhuyu’s eyes were half closed as she smiled and said, “After going around in circles, we still ended up here.”
“Isn’t that good?” He smiled too.
“It’s pretty good.”
“What’s good about it?”
“The carpet is good. It’s soft.”
Sizhao opened his eyes and rose, pressing himself above her. “Is the carpet good, or am I good?”
“How could the carpet possibly compare with you!” Before he could feel satisfied, she rolled her eyes and muttered, “The heating is even better.”
“What about me? Isn’t Liu Sizhao good?” He was almost laughing from irritation.
“No matter how good you are, you’re still not mine.” Her voice was very soft.
He lay back down, twirling her hair around his fingers, his voice quiet as well. “Once this is over, you’ll have to go back. I knew that from the beginning. That’s why I didn’t want to get things done for you so quickly. But if I didn’t do it, you’d worry. If it weren’t for what happened with your dad getting married, I wouldn’t have wanted to make my move so soon.”
Zhuyu raised her index finger and pointed toward the sky. “Is this how the Greek gods on Mount Olympus regard the troubles of mortals?”
He laughed.
They avoided talking about the fact that, in the end, they would have to part. Two people meet and fall in love, and then one of them changes the path they were supposed to take for the sake of the other. Only the very young can bring themselves to do something like that.
As time passed, when it was time to leave, she would leave. That was Zhuyu’s way of thinking. She didn’t know what Sizhao thought, but if he begged her to stay, she might waver.
Yet he had never said it. Not once.
That was good too. It spared them both the trouble, and they did not have to exhaust themselves by consuming too much of their own emotions.
As soon as December arrived, the people in the town began arranging the Shehuo performances for the Spring Festival. Walking on stilts, dragon and lion dances, colorful flag dances, the Wuchang Gods’ procession... The mixture and variety of the performances were dazzling.
Third Auntie had once been a member of the stilt-walking team. Their team had previously competed in national competitions, won a gold medal, appeared on television, and been featured in newspapers. Now, as an old veteran, Third Auntie always went to the team around this time of year to offer some guidance.
Zhuyu was now completely idle at home, so Third Auntie took her to the community to help with the logistics for the Shehuo Festival. They brought out the old props to dry in the sun, washed the colorful flags, and stitched and mended the old costumes of the Wuchang Gods.
When she was in high school, she had worked part-time at an ice cream shop with her classmates just for fun. It was then that she discovered that she seemed particularly suited to physical work. Once she got busy, her mind became neatly organized. She could think while working, and remain calm and composed.
As she sat there mending clothes with a big sewing needle in hand, she had plenty of time to think about the situation as it stood.
If you don’t want me to stay, then I won’t stay. It’s not as though I’m dying to have you keep me.
After winter set in, Third Auntie often made mutton soup in the evenings. Whenever she made it, she would invariably call Sizhao over. One day, he drove over and delivered an entire sheep to the house, and she was stunned on the spot.
Good heavens, who buys an entire sheep at once? If our family weren’t so large and our refrigerator weren’t so big, an ordinary household’s refrigerator wouldn’t even have room to cram it in.
Whenever the whole family gathered for a meal, Zhuyu never took the initiative to speak to Sizhao, as though the two of them were strangers. He, however, could chat and laugh freely with everyone else in the family.
As time went by, the whole family became familiar with this young man. And once you become familiar enough with someone, it is inevitable that you start asking a few personal questions.
“Do you have a girlfriend yet, Xiao Liu?” One day, when Third Auntie’s husband asked this, Sizhao’s spoon trembled in his hand as he was drinking soup.
Zhuyu lowered her eyelids and only looked at her own bowl.
“Yes.”
Her spoon trembled too, and she nearly choked on her soup.
A hint of disappointment appeared on everyone’s faces.
Third Uncle rallied and asked, “How long have you two been together?” Perhaps it wasn’t anything official.
“Since the beginning of this year. It’s been quite a while.”
“All right, all right, eat your food. Young people don’t like being asked about this kind of thing, and you still keep asking.” Third Auntie stepped in, intending to end the topic.
Sizhao was in good health now, and there was nothing about him that looked different from an ordinary person. After spending so much time with him, she naturally knew that he was gentle and easygoing. Add to that his privileged family background and handsome appearance, and it would have been strange if he didn’t have a girlfriend.
If he could be paired with Zhuyu, that would be wonderful. If they couldn’t, then it could only be said that they had no fate together.
“Hehe, I know who Uncle Xiao Zhao’s girlfriend is.” Qiqi was clutching a chicken leg, smiling with a very clever look.
Please don’t, please don’t... She had already said it once last time. If she said it again this time, Auntie Xiao Yu would have to lose face all over again. The whole family secretly began praying.
Yujing pulled out a napkin, supported the back of Qiqi’s head with one hand, and vigorously wiped her greasy little mouth twice. “Look at how dirty you are, just like a little tabby cat. Come, come, Big Auntie will help you.”
Even with her mouth blocked like that, Qiqi still struggled and shouted, “She’s a foreign woman with golden hair!”
Everyone froze.
“I saw the paintings at Uncle Xiao Zhao’s house. There was a woman with golden hair in one of them. She must be his girlfriend.”
His house had oil paintings covering the walls, and little elementary-school student Qiqi innocently assumed that one of the women was this uncle’s girlfriend.
She hadn’t guessed correctly, but she had answered well enough. Zhuyu breathed a sigh of relief and turned around to reward her with a cheese stick.
“Haha, no, that’s not it. Uncle’s girlfriend is a Chinese girl with black hair,” Sizhao said with a smile.
Qiqi pressed on. “Are her eyes big?”
“Big.”
“Are her eyelashes long?”
“Long.”
“Is her skin fair?”
“Not fair.”
Sizhao answered far too quickly. The moment the words left his mouth, he glanced at Zhuyu. And it wasn’t only him who glanced at her. Everyone in the family did.
These days, girls everywhere considered fair skin beautiful, and very few girls would deliberately let themselves get tanned. Zhuyu was the darkest-skinned person here.
“Oh...” Qiqi gnawed on her chicken leg and drawled, “My Little Auntie isn’t fair either. But her long eyelashes are fake. She said the beautician glued on fake eyelashes with glue.”
“I’ll give you the other chicken leg too. Eat, eat.” Chen Kai wanted to divert Qiqi’s attention as quickly as possible, in case she continued exposing Little Auntie.
“Little Auntie’s eyebrows are fake too, and her eyeliner is fake too. The beautician drew all of them for her, just like how I put makeup on my Barbie dolls. But Little Auntie’s double eyelids are real. My mommy’s double eyelids were cut by a doctor with a knife.”
Thank you so much. I’m never buying you cheese sticks again, and I’m going to eat every single cheese stick in the house myself.
Zhuyu suddenly felt that her head was so heavy.
Sizhao spoke to Qiqi with a perfectly serious expression. “No wonder. Your Little Auntie is as pretty as a Barbie doll.”
Qiqi threw out her final “death question.”
“Is my Little Auntie prettier, or is your girlfriend prettier?”
He fell silent.
After the meal, the family hurriedly carried her off to wash her face and hands, to prevent this little fairy from asking another question that would leave everyone with no way to save face.
Afterward, Zhuyu kept pressing him, asking what on him was acquired later in life rather than naturally that good-looking. Had he gotten a hair transplant? False teeth? Did he drink protein powder and work out?
He caught the hand she was using to inspect his hairline. “If you’re willing to make it public, I’ll tell your family that you’re the prettiest.”
“After the New Year, when we separate...”
He didn’t let her finish. “Stay here another six months. If you still want to leave after six months, then you can leave.”
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