Chapter 16 – we
Xiang You stood there blankly.
That little gust of wind just now had left her a little dazed.
She had heard him say the name of a drink, but it seemed to be a little different from what she had heard the first time.
He had said it so quickly, and his words had been so indistinct.
What, had he been in City A for so long that he had started swallowing his syllables when he spoke, too?
She wanted Meng Ou to say it again, because in that moment of haziness, she felt as though she had misheard something.
And it was a very ridiculous thing to have misheard.
But honestly, that request was a little boring.
And a boring request should be something that happened between people who were close.
With an ordinary person, she shouldn't do something meaningless that would only waste their time.
So forget it.
Xiang You touched her already-empty right pocket.
That mishearing just now had really been too ridiculous, so ridiculous that her heart, too, suddenly felt as empty as that pocket.
There weren't many customers in the shop, so the two coffees were brought over soon.
Perhaps because there weren't so many miscellaneous toppings and add-ins, their colors looked fairly normal, a sort of milky coffee color.
It was only when they went into her mouth that...
They were both sour and sweet, with a bit of the bitterness of the coffee itself. There was simply no way to describe them.
The two of them moved with an unexpected synchronicity.
They lowered their heads at the same time, sucked at their drinks at the same time, then frowned and raised their heads at the same time.
Then they gave each other a bitter smile.
Everything was understood without a word.
Only, it looked as though Meng Ou's smile was even more bitter.
He had been able to drink that bizarre concoction just now without even changing expression, so what was wrong with him now?
Xiang You wanted to make fun of him, but she couldn't bring herself to laugh.
“Xiang You.” Meng Ou called her.
“Hmm?” Xiang You looked at him seriously, her reply gentle.
A polite sort of gentleness.
Meng Ou took a deep breath. Clearly, he had a whole stomachful of things he wanted to say.
But in the end, he seemed like a deflated balloon, his whole body slowly collapsing in on itself.
“Nothing.”
“If you have something to say, then just say it.” Xiang You coaxed him along.
In the past, she had always been the shy one, always keeping things hidden in her heart.
To think that one day she would get to see Meng Ou looking like he wanted to speak but didn't dare to. It was quite an eye-opener.
Had work beaten him down?
Xiang You couldn't help imagining what he was like in the workplace.
What kind of bosses, what kind of colleagues, what kind of clients and contractors, he must have a whole pile of things he wanted to complain about.
If he couldn't say them to someone's face the way he had once used her for amusement, then who did he say them to behind their back?
Who did he talk to?
Who did he talk to?
Male or female, tall or short, fat or thin, what did they look like, what were they called, where did they live...
The cells in her brain suddenly started fighting with each other.
It was rather embarrassing.
They had been with her for more than twenty years, and now, because of an ex who had been separated from her for a thousand days, they had begun fighting a war with one another, stirring her brain into a state of unrest.
The key thing was, after fighting for so long, they still couldn't come up with an answer.
The answer was all hidden inside Meng Ou's head.
How annoying.
Meng Ou waited.
He saw the bright light that had originally filled Xiang You's eyes suddenly dim, after which she stared blankly at one spot without moving.
He knew this was Xiang You spacing out again, getting lost in her own thoughts.
At times like this, her entire being was cut off from the outside world.
No matter what anyone said to her, she couldn't understand it. At first, Meng Ou had found it strange. How could this girl so often be talking to him, only to suddenly get stuck halfway through what she was saying?
After enough time had passed, he gradually got used to Xiang You's temporary lapses.
He even rather liked these moments.
They allowed him to look at her seriously, without a single reservation, taking in every tiny detail.
Those eyes blinked once, and the light returned to her pupils.
Meng Ou knew she had returned from her meditation.
It was his turn now. He thought for a moment, then smiled first.
Xiang You didn't know why he suddenly smiled.
The smile looked very forced, as though there were a thousand-jin weight hanging from the corners of his mouth, and he was a weightlifter at the Olympic Games, waiting until he had held the barbell for the required number of seconds before hurriedly throwing it onto the ground.
“Xiang You.” He called her again.
Still using her proper full name.
“Just say it.” Xiang You was getting a little impatient.
“Mm...” Meng Ou pressed his lips together. “Do you have any plans for the future?”
It sounded like a job interview.
Xiang You asked blankly in return, “In what area?”
“Every area.”
The future, that thing that wasn't exactly far away, but wasn't exactly close, either.
Before university, university was the future. After entering university, work became the future. Once you actually started working, perhaps because the future suddenly expanded into several dozen years, you stopped thinking about it instead.
It wasn't that she didn't think about it at all. People had to have some kind of plan for their own lives.
But when she had been a student, she could write those plans down in great detail. Now, she didn't know whether she was simply too lazy, or genuinely lost. The future always seemed to be shrouded in a vast layer of mist.
“Mm... Actually, I want to take the civil service exam.” Xiang You said.
This counted as one of the few goals she had a clear idea about.
Meng Ou's brow lifted almost imperceptibly. “For Changrui?”
“Yeah. I want to stay here.” Xiang You smiled a little sheepishly. “Actually, I made it to the interview before, but I still failed. Now I feel like the suburbs would be fine, the countryside would be fine, another city would be fine too. As long as I can stay in the province.”
Meng Ou lowered his eyes and stared at his drink, falling silent.
She had gone on and on for such a long time, only for the conversation to fall flat. This was really awkward.
Xiang You looked at him with some dissatisfaction, her face stern.
Perhaps sensing her gaze, Meng Ou raised his head again and threw out the next question. “Then... what about plans in other areas?”
Other areas?
What other areas were there?
When adults talked about planning for the future, didn't that just mean planning their careers? At most, there was one more thing added to the list...
Marriage and relationships?
Was that what he meant?
Xiang You wanted to ask, but it felt awkward to say it outright. “What other areas?”
“It's just...” At this moment, Meng Ou suddenly became particularly awkward, his speech halting and broken. “Your family hasn't been pressuring you to get married?”
“Has your family been pressuring you?” Xiang You asked him in return.
“No.” Meng Ou frowned irritably, though it was unclear who exactly he was irritated with. “What do you think?”
“Me?” This time it was Xiang You who got stuck.
Because she really hadn't thought much about this matter.
Sometime more than a year after breaking up with Meng Ou, she had gotten into another relationship.
It was an office romance, with someone from the neighboring team. They often ran into each other on their way to and from work and in the cafeteria, and after seeing each other again and again, they became familiar with one another.
During one team-building event, a group of them went up into the mountains and down to the sea for a training exercise.
On the way back, everyone was nearly exhausted. Xiang You wasn't paying attention and tripped over a pebble.
Her colleagues were all quite warm-hearted, and they hurriedly helped her up, helping her rinse and wipe the abrasions on her leg.
But she had also twisted her ankle and couldn't walk.
There were still several hundred meters to go before they reached the bus for the return trip. Just as Xiang You was worrying about what to do, the colleague from the neighboring team took the initiative and suggested carrying her over.
After some half-hearted resistance, Xiang You was lifted up into his arms, carried horizontally.
They had spent the whole day doing the training exercise, and he was clearly a little tired too. The moment he picked her up, he was already panting.
Feeling somewhat embarrassed, Xiang You hooked an arm around his neck and told him that maybe he should put her down.
He didn't say anything. He only shook his head stubbornly.
After they arrived safely at the bus, he naturally sat beside her too.
Xiang You was used to sitting by the window when she rode in a car, but as luck would have it, he was sitting in the window seat.
All the way there, their eyes crossed countless times.
That evening, everyone made plans to go sing KTV. Xiang You couldn't go because of her injured leg.
It was a very beautiful homestay. Xiang You switched rooms with someone and moved into a room on the first floor, then supported herself along the wall, hopping all the way to the garden, where she gazed at the night view before her.
She didn't know when he had come too.
The night breeze was gentle, the scent of flowers was lovely, and the night view was beautiful too.
With the two of them together, it all seemed to happen naturally.
Thinking back to those years ago, it had taken her and Meng Ou more than a year from meeting to confirming their relationship.
But counting from the first time she and this man had spoken, it seemed they hadn't even known each other for a month.
It was long enough. For adults, it was long enough.
Strangely, it seemed that as soon as the two of them started dating, they had immediately slipped into the mode of an old married couple.
That period of passionate romance had somehow disappeared.
They worked for the same company, and their schedules were compatible enough. To avoid suspicion, the two of them still interacted at work the way they had before, but after work, they often made plans to have dinner together.
On weekends, they would occasionally make plans to see a movie or visit an exhibition, but they didn't make plans every week.
After a whole week of work, both body and mind were exhausted. Compared with going out with a lover, staying home and sleeping for a whole day seemed more comfortable.
On this point, they reached an agreement.
Xiang You thought this was quite nice too.
He was gentle and considerate.
He would appear at the first opportunity whenever she needed him, and when she wanted to be alone, he could give her plenty of time to herself.
He was nothing like Meng Ou, who insisted on dragging her out to see him at least once every week and wouldn't even let her off during finals.
She was the one who had a whole pile of things to memorize, while Meng Ou didn't even need to review!
Meng Ou was selfish. He never considered her feelings. Anyway, he wasn't the one who would end up failing!
Although every time she wanted to slack off... Meng Ou was also the one who grabbed her and made her study.
But whatever. Meng Ou was still awful.
And his mouth was vicious, too. Getting him to say something nice was practically like asking for his life.
He was different. He would tell her she was pretty, tell her she had a good figure, tell her she was gentle.
There were no flowery embellishments, just straightforward compliments.
It was just that sometimes, when she was talking with him, Xiang You would lose herself in a daze without being able to control it.
She would clearly be talking about something perfectly normal, yet for some reason, her heart would suddenly feel empty in an instant.
How strange. She couldn't figure herself out.
But she was certain that she loved him.
Seeing him every day made her happy, and being with him made her feel at ease.
She didn't need some earth-shattering rush of love. Something steady and lasting was perfectly good.
She had thought about staying in this state for the rest of her life.
But only a month after they got together, things took a turn.
He was three years older than her, and they had talked about getting married in the future.
But she thought it was too soon. One reason was their age, and another was that they had only been together for a month.
A month was enough to confirm a relationship.
But if it meant entering into a contract, it was nowhere near enough for her.
After Xiang You clearly rejected him twice, he never brought it up again.
Until one time, Xiang You's sharp intuition told her that something was wrong with him.
Xiang You was very good at observing people.
It was something she had cultivated over many years.
There was no unfamiliar perfume scent, no lipstick marks, no strange chat records, purchases, or transfers. In the eyes of anyone else, nothing had changed at all.
But Xiang You simply felt that he had changed.
She just couldn't find any evidence, and saying it outright would only make her seem unreasonable and as though she were making trouble for no reason.
Fortunately, he still had some conscience. Before long, he confessed on his own.
His family had arranged a blind date for him.
And not just one. They had all taken place while the two of them were still dating.
The one he had decided to pursue was the same age as him, a local of Changrui. Her family owned a factory, and she also had an uncle by marriage who was a government official and could bring him a lot of help.
He told Xiang You he was sorry. We are both adults. We need to be a little more realistic when considering these things.
Xiang You's head went “buzz, buzz.”
Compared with being cheated on because of love, being rejected because her circumstances weren't good enough somehow hurt her even more.
She felt a little desperate.
It wasn't that she was heartbroken over the breakup. It was that she felt she wasn't ready to become this kind of person yet.
Find someone whose circumstances were suitable, confirm the relationship over one meal, then go through the process of getting married and having children...
She felt terrified.
And yet, this was exactly what so many people's lives were like.
Xiang You raised her eyes and looked around at her surroundings.
She had the feeling that she either had to compromise or remain alone until she died.
She didn't think she was asking for that much.
She only wanted to find someone who loved her and whom she loved in return.
Was that asking a lot?
It seemed that maybe it was.
“I don't know.” Xiang You said.
Meng Ou patiently waited for a long while, only to receive an answer like this.
He gave a helpless laugh and confirmed, “You don't know?”
“I don't know. I don't know what kind of person I should look for, I don't know what kind of life I should live, I don't know anything.”
Life was too difficult.
Couldn't someone give her a standard answer?
Mm, it seemed there was a standard answer.
It was her own fault for stubbornly refusing to accept it.
Meng Ou lowered his head and took a sip of his drink.
His Adam's apple rose out of the shadows, then fell again.
“So, you two have already broken up?” he asked, somewhat abruptly.
“Mm...” Xiang You answered instinctively, but at the end she felt that something was off. “How did you know I'd dated someone afterward?”
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