Chapter Eighteen (Part 1): The Knot in the Heart
Lu Yin arrived in Qianyuan on the twenty-ninth day of the twelfth lunar month. The moment she got off the train, a moist breath of air washed over her face. She unconsciously took a sniff, and the corners of her lips curled up. There was a familiar warmth to it that she had not felt in a long time.
After leaving the platform, she spotted Lu Youzheng in the distance, standing on tiptoe and looking around. He was wearing a gray jacket and coarse cloth trousers, the trouser legs rolled up to reveal a section of black cotton socks.
For no reason, Lu Yin's nose suddenly stung. She quickly waved at him.
When Lu Youzheng saw her, he gave a simple, good-natured smile and strode over.
He took her luggage. “Tired?”
“Not at all. I slept the whole way.” Lu Yin asked, “Where's Auntie?”
“She’s at home. The two kids are both on holiday, so they’re making quite a racket.”
Lu Yin happily tried to take the luggage from him. “I’ll carry it.”
“I’ve got it, I’ve got it.” He dodged her and hurried a few steps ahead. “The tricycle’s right outside.”
Avoiding the streams of people coming one after another, Lu Youzheng’s pedicab was parked in a back alley. He unlocked it, set the suitcase beside it, and helped her with the door.
Lu Yin looked up. It was still the same one from several years ago. The body was covered in rust, the tires caked with grime, and the canopy’s sunshade cloth had long since become impossible to tell the color of.
She climbed in. Lu Youzheng secured the door, then nimbly mounted the seat and pedaled away.
After passing through the crowded train station, he picked up speed.
Sitting in the back, Lu Yin watched his swaying back. “Uncle,” her voice was drowned out by the noise. She raised her voice. “It’s already the twenty-ninth. Are you still out here taking passengers?”
Lu Youzheng turned his head halfway. “I’d just be sitting around anyway. Might as well pick you up while I’m at it.”
The little city was not very big. A single street ran straight through it, and both sides of the road were lined with shops selling New Year goods, giving the whole place a festive, peaceful air.
They lived in an old alley. The houses were decades old, left behind by Lu Yin’s grandmother.
When they entered, the two children were already playing noisily. Both were girls, Da Ke and Xiao Ke. The older one had just started university that year, while the younger was only eleven. She had been born the year Lu Yin left home.
Seeing her standing in the doorway, Da Ke recognized her and called out cheerfully, “Jie!”
Xiao Ke was shy around strangers. She hid behind Da Ke and secretly sized Lu Yin up.
Lu Yin smiled kindly and walked over to pinch her cheek. As luck would have it, there was still a piece of chocolate in her pocket. She took it out and handed it to her.
Lu Youzheng called toward the kitchen. Before long, a middle-aged woman poked her head out and smiled. “Yinyin’s back.”
“Yeah, Auntie.” Lu Yin set down her backpack. “Do you need any help?”
She looked Lu Yin up and down. “Forget it. Just wait for dinner. No need to get yourself dirty.”
Lu Yin paused, then quickly took off her coat. “It’s fine. It wasn’t exactly clean from being tossed around on the train anyway.”
After working in the kitchen for a while, they chatted idly now and then. Lu Yin herself was not good with words, and their relationship was not close enough for them to have endless things to talk about. Whenever the conversation fell silent, the only sound was the clinking of dishes.
Dinner consisted of four dishes and a soup. When everything was served, Lu Youzheng suggested they raise their glasses, but the person across from him did not move for a long while.
He called out, “Li Lan, raise your glass.”
Li Lan looked at him for several seconds, then picked up her chopsticks and said with a smile, “Are you treating Yinyin like an outsider? She lived here for several years, after all. Didn’t she eat and dress just like one of the family? What’s there to toast?”
Lu Yin stopped, her raised arm going somewhat stiff.
Lu Youzheng hurriedly said, “The two of us can do it. Yinyin, don’t mind your aunt.”
She smiled and lightly clinked her glass against his.
They were all ordinary home-cooked dishes, including southern-style shredded bamboo shoots and water bamboo. The soup was a glass-noodle and tofu soup.
Xiao Ke poked around each dish with her chopsticks, then pouted. “It’s all vegetables. I want the roast chicken from outside.”
Li Lan glared at her irritably. “What, you think you’re some rich young miss, with everything you want whenever you want it? You think roast chicken is free?” She put two slices of water bamboo into her bowl. “Hurry up and eat.”
Xiao Ke put down her chopsticks and gave a dissatisfied hum.
The atmosphere grew somewhat awkward. Lu Youzheng smiled in an attempt to smooth things over. “This child... Dad will give you some money. Go buy it.”
Before he could even take it out, Li Lan slammed down her chopsticks. “You have money again? You barely earn enough to buy vegetables as it is. Have you figured out where the kids’ expenses for next semester are coming from? There are two of them. Why are you showing off like this?”
Lu Youzheng’s old face flushed crimson from embarrassment. One hand was still stuck halfway in his pocket, neither taking the money out nor putting it back.
Lu Yin could not swallow the food in her mouth. Her throat felt as though a wooden plug had lodged in it, leaving her painfully blocked up. She tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Auntie, don’t worry about the tuition. When the time comes, I’ll pay Da Ke’s.”
As soon as she said this, Li Lan’s expression immediately changed from cloudy to sunny. “Oh, no, that’s not what Auntie meant.”
“It’s fine.” Lu Yin smiled and took a hundred-yuan note from her wallet. “Xiao Ke, go buy it.”
Xiao Ke’s eyes lit up. She took the money and ran outside.
Li Lan hurriedly said, “Look at you, giving her everything she wants. You’ll spoil the child. I was afraid you wouldn’t be used to greasy food. I know girls your age are all afraid of gaining weight... Is everything to your taste? Auntie will make something better tomorrow.”
Lu Yin said, “No need. Everything’s great.”
She ate the meal without tasting a thing. By the time it was over, it was already past eight. She opened her suitcase, most of which was filled with local specialties from Zhangzhou. The two children made a noisy commotion, fighting over the things in the small room.
They lived in an old two-bedroom apartment, but there was only one actual bedroom. A bunk bed had been set up beside the living room, where Da Ke and Xiao Ke slept. With Lu Yin back, there was no extra place for her, so the two girls squeezed together on the top bunk while Lu Yin slept below.
The little city was nowhere near as lively as Zhangzhou, let alone having anything resembling nightlife. Lu Yin went to wash up early.
When she came out, she saw Da Ke and Xiao Ke rummaging through her suitcase. Lu Yin frowned inwardly, but did not stop them right away.
When Da Ke saw her come out, she held up the skincare products in her hand, her eyes sparkling. “Jie, you have the whole set! Someone in our dorm uses this brand, and everyone says it’s really good after you use it.” She bit her lip. “Can I try it?”
Lu Yin dried her hair as she smiled and said, “Actually, you’re not really the right age for this brand. I’ll go back and get you...”
Before she could finish, Li Lan scolded, “Put it back already. Can’t you see your sister’s upset?”
Lu Yin froze for a moment and quickly said, “I’m not upset. If Da Ke likes it, she can take it. I’ll just buy more when I get back to Zhangzhou.”
Da Ke cheered, gathered up the bottles and jars, and ran toward the bathroom. Li Lan went over and pulled Xiao Ke up, intending to close the suitcase. After hesitating for a moment, she said, “Oh! Yinyin, are these your clothes?”
As she spoke, she picked up a brown cashmere undershirt and looked it over from front to back. “The style’s pretty nice.” She glanced at Lu Yin. “How come young people pick a color like this?”
Lu Yin said, “It’s for keeping warm. I didn’t specifically choose the color.”
Li Lan felt the fabric. “It is pretty warm.”
Lu Yin said, “Auntie, if you don’t mind, you can take it. I’ve only worn it a few times.”
“How could I?”
“It’s fine.” Lu Yin smiled.
In the end, she had Li Lan pick out two more pieces. Lu Yin was left with practically nothing. With all the commotion, the clock had passed nine.
Lu Youzheng came out of the room and told them to turn off the lights and go to sleep.
Even after the room had gone completely dark, Lu Yin still felt that none of it was real. Everywhere she looked was unfamiliar. In truth, she had never really belonged here.
Coming home did not mean coming home. Only leaving this place was coming home.
She fell asleep sometime in a daze, not knowing what time it was, only to be awakened by the vibration of her phone. It was actually just past ten. At this hour, Lu Qiang was still lying on the sofa watching television.
Lu Yin draped on her coat and quietly went out onto the balcony to take the call.
The weather in Qianyuan was much warmer than in Zhangzhou. There was neither snow nor bare branches. The moonlight was gentle, and even the wind was moist.
Lu Yin leaned against the railing and talked to him for a while. Afraid that her voice would be too loud and wake them, she hurriedly ended the call.
She tiptoed back, trying her best not to make a sound.
The bedroom door was not fully closed. By then, a sliver of light was spilling through from inside, accompanied by muffled sounds of argument.
Lu Yin's footsteps stopped. She gripped the corner of her clothes tightly, waited a moment, then lay back down in bed.
After that, she lay awake, her eyes open. The night was utterly still.
Inside, her uncle said, “Just stop it. Don’t wake them up.”
“So what if they hear? Am I wrong? She can’t even get married now, and she’s still holding on to the money the old lady left her. Look at our two daughters, squeezing onto one bed. Doesn’t that break your heart?”
After a while, Lu Youzheng finally said, “The money my mother left Yinyin as her dowry, don’t even think about it. We’re already living in the house. What more do you want?”
“You call this a house? It’s not even as big as someone else’s bathroom, and you have the nerve to say that. We have two daughters. Even if you won’t think about me, you should at least think about them.”
“Think about what? They’re not sons.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Li Lan became agitated. “Are you blaming me for not giving your Lu family a son?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Lu Yin turned over and forced herself to close her eyes. Before long, she unconsciously opened them again, staring at that strip of light in the darkness.
The living room was deathly quiet, making the voices from inside sound strangely hollow.
Li Lan said, “I heard the man’s family returned the money for the house. Talk to her. Even if we’re only borrowing it for now, let’s use it to get a bigger place to live in first.”
Lu Youzheng said nothing. She repeated, “I’m talking to you.”
Driven to the brink, he said in a low voice, “I’m not going.”
Sobs came from the inner room. After a long while, she said, “My life is just too hard. My parents aren’t by my side, and the man I married is useless. Even paying the two children’s tuition is a problem.”
“Ever since Yinyin started working, what year hasn’t she paid Da Ke’s tuition? Does she not send you enough money? You can’t be so heartless.”
“What about all those years when she ate my food and lived under my roof?”
“Then she should’ve paid it all back by now.”
***
The next day was New Year’s Eve.
Lu Yin barely slept during the latter half of the night, and her eyes were a little swollen when she got up early.
After washing up, she went to the bank. Qianyuan had changed a lot over the past few years. Its economy was more developed than before, with several shopping malls and restaurants having opened. The middle school she had attended had already been demolished, and a budget hotel now stood in its place.
Lu Yin stopped in her tracks for a moment, then changed direction and went inside to get a room.
She returned home just in time for lunch.
Li Lan came out carrying a dish and looked at her, smiling in a way that was neither warm nor cold. “Yinyin, you went out to have fun first thing in the morning? Xiao Ke’s been complaining that she’s hungry. I told her to wait until you came back so we could eat together.”
Lu Yin changed her shoes and held her backpack tightly in her hand. “Auntie, there are a few things I want to say to you.”
“What is it?” She wiped her hands on her apron.
Lu Yin took out several bundles of cash. “There’s thirty thousand here. I live far away and haven’t been able to look after you much, so take this and use it for now.” She paused. “I’ll pay Da Ke’s school expenses separately. I’ve always kept the money Grandma left me in savings. I can’t touch that money. When I eventually get married, I need to have something of my own in my hands so I can hold my head up.”
Li Lan looked somewhat embarrassed. She knew Lu Yin had heard everything they said the night before, but thinking it over, she felt there was no need to feel guilty if Lu Yin was going to give them money anyway. So she simply opened up and spoke frankly.
“Then that’s still quite a ways off, isn’t it? What I was thinking was, first, we could...”
“It’s not far off.” Lu Yin cut her off. “It’ll only be a matter of one or two years.”
Li Lan stared at her in a daze. “There’s someone else? When did that happen?”
Lu Yin gave her a vague, noncommittal answer. Li Lan could not get anything concrete out of her, so she earnestly tried to persuade her for a while, clearly thinking entirely for her sake, afraid that Lu Yin would choose the wrong man and end up with another scumbag like Liu Zecheng.
Lu Yin nodded and said yes.
In the end, she still could not get the money out of her. Her expression turned somewhat cold.
Lu Yin added, “Da Ke and Xiao Ke are cramped together too, and it’s not very convenient. After dinner tonight, I’ll go stay at a hotel.”
Li Lan held the money in her hand and paused. “Is the bed at home uncomfortable?” Lu Yin opened her mouth, but before she could answer, she heard her say, “Actually, this lousy bed should be replaced anyway. My back hurts whenever I sleep on it. Then after dinner, have your uncle take you.”
After the New Year’s Eve dinner, Lu Yin packed her things and went out.
Lu Youzheng carried her luggage and followed silently behind her. Of the Lu family, only Lu Youzheng remained. He had not studied much, dropping out of school early to do manual labor. He was taciturn and poor with words, and whatever his wife said went. His whole life had been under Li Lan’s thumb.
Most of the time, all he could do was swallow his grievances and somehow get by.
Seeing that he was in low spirits, Lu Yin deliberately kept things light and chatted with him all the way. Before they parted, she pressed several thousand yuan into his hands.
Lu Youzheng refused again and again, waving his hand and refusing to take it.
Lu Yin insisted. “It’s New Year. Don’t work yourself so hard. Buy Auntie a piece of clothing, and get Da Ke and Xiao Ke some pocket money. Please take it. Just think of it as letting me feel at ease.”
In the end, he accepted the money. A glimmer flickered in his old eyes as he lowered his head deeply. “Come back for breakfast tomorrow morning.”
Lu Yin watched Lu Youzheng leave. Only after his figure disappeared into the darkness did she turn and go inside.
On New Year’s Eve, every household was supposed to be reunited, yet the hotel was eerily deserted. There was not a single guest in sight. After handing Lu Yin the key, the young woman at the front desk could not help taking another look at her.
It was not that Lu Yin did not feel bad. People were not lonely when they were alone; loneliness came from having something to compare it to. When you were lonely, you would think of someone.
She turned on the television. Every channel was broadcasting the Spring Festival Gala, while firecrackers were exploding outside in unison, fireworks dyeing half the sky red.
Yet it still did not feel very lively.
There were only a few minutes left until the New Year.
She picked up her phone and called Lu Qiang. The moment the call connected, she heard his voice and froze. In that instant, she made up her mind. She planned to go to the station the next morning.
Her mood suddenly lifted. She smiled. “Were you waiting for my call?”
It was unnaturally quiet on the other end. He hummed. “I was just about to call you.”
Lu Yin lay back on the bed. Perhaps it was all in her head, but the hotel bed really did feel more comfortable than her uncle’s. She asked, “Smoking?”
Through the static of the call, she could hear his soft breathing.
Lu Qiang said, “Mm.”
“You’ve been smoking a little heavily lately.”
“Nothing to do.”
“Smoking all the time isn’t good for you.”
Lu Qiang said, “I’ll quit when you want a child.”
Lu Yin bit her lip and secretly giggled for a while. Deliberately changing the subject, she asked, “Have you eaten?”
“Yeah.”
“With Genzi?”
Lu Qiang paused. “He’s beside me.”
He did not say much. After chatting for a few sentences, Lu Yin could tell something was off in his voice. Amid the earth-shaking sound of the firecrackers, it was strangely quiet on his end.
Lu Yin turned over, lightly picking at the bedsheet with her index finger. In a low voice, she asked, “What are you doing?”
After two seconds, he said, “On the road.”
Lu Yin’s finger stopped. She pressed her palm against the bedsheet instead. “You’re still outside this late?”
He exhaled a mouthful of smoke. It seemed he had opened the car window, and the whooshing wind carried to her ears.
Lu Qiang flicked away his cigarette butt. “I might not be able to pick you up on the fourth. Genzi and I are on the road, heading back to my hometown.” Lu Yin held her breath and waited, her heart beating half a beat faster. Lu Qiang said, “Something happened on my mother’s side.”
She abruptly sat up in bed. “Is it serious?”
“She went up onto the roof to replace some tiles and fell. She broke her leg.”
Lu Yin’s heart tightened. “Don’t worry too much. When can you get there?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
She gave a soft hum.
For a while, neither of them had anything else to say, but neither hung up.
Lu Yin’s mind was racing. She could not help remembering the address written on that delivery slip.
Suddenly, several fireworks exploded outside the window, dazzling in every color, spreading across the entire sky.
She turned her head toward the window. The firecrackers were deafening, their intensity reaching its peak. On the television, the hosts came out together, their faces full of joy as they began the countdown.
Amid the clamor filling the whole world, a low voice sounded beside her ear: “Happy New Year.” He said, “Yinyin.”
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