Extra. Xiao Qian
Xiao Qian’s world had always been quiet. Not a single sound.
So that night, when rustling noises came from the cattle shed out in the threshing ground, he felt nothing at all.
He got up early to feed the cow. The shed was large, with only one lone cow inside. The cow chewed its grass slowly, its big eyes looking at him, then glancing off to the side several times.
Xiao Qian followed its gaze and saw two “children” lying in the pile of dry straw.
At first, he really thought they were children. The two were as thin and slight as little lambs, tightly huddled together, curled beneath the straw, sleeping soundly.
Only when he walked closer did he see clearly. The boy looked very young, his features delicate, but he was filthy. The girl… he could not see clearly. She wore only a camisole and shorts. Her arms and legs were thin, and one of them was a prosthetic limb worn down with heavy use. Her hair was a tangled mess, and her body was mottled with colors, all paint and grime, covered in grass seeds, small pebbles, and withered leaves.
In the village where Xiao Qian lived, and even in the nearby town, there was no household that had these two.
He nudged the boy, but the boy did not wake. He nudged the girl, and she startled awake at once, letting out a frightened scream.
Xiao Qian was startled too. He hurriedly made gestures to say he was not a bad person. Only after finishing did he realize she could not understand sign language. He quickly pointed to his mouth and ears, indicating that he was deaf and mute.
But unexpectedly, the girl understood. She responded to him in sign language.
Xiao Qian was overjoyed. Since birth, it was as if he had been locked inside his own world. The number of people from the outside world he could truly reach and communicate with was pitifully small. This was the first time he had met a stranger who could understand his signing.
He wanted to say more to her, but the girl hurriedly woke the boy. They looked as if they were about to leave. Yet both of them were so weak that they did not leave immediately.
Xiao Qian felt that the girl was deeply embarrassed, waging a fierce struggle in her heart.
In the end, the girl looked at him and, pitifully, asked if he could give them a little food.
Xiao Qian nodded at once. He could tell the two were indeed very young. One was disabled, and the other also seemed not quite normal. He was uneasy, afraid something might happen to them.
He made them a large bowl of noodles, adding shredded meat and eggs. The two children kept their heads lowered, eating bite after bite without stopping, yet they did not wolf it down.
They finished every last bit of the noodles.
The girl signed her thanks to him. Xiao Qian asked where they planned to go. She said nothing. Xiao Qian gestured, Let me wipe you clean first, all right?
She still said nothing. After a long while, she nodded.
When he wiped away the paint on her face, it revealed a young and beautiful face, blank and without much emotion. She truly looked very young, too young to have fallen into such a state.
Xiao Qian cleaned the brother and sister, found some of his old clothes for them to wear, and made up a bed for them so they could sleep well.
The two children huddled together again like little lambs, clutching each other’s hands tightly as they fell asleep.
After that, they stayed.
The girl was very quiet, did not speak, but was alert. She would secretly observe what he was doing. Xiao Qian knew she did not fully trust him yet. He did not explain, only smiled at her.
She stared at him for a long time, expressionless, then turned her head away.
And she seemed to reach a judgment very quickly, realizing he was a good person. She no longer guarded against him like a thief. Instead, she became obedient and perceptive.
When he swept the floor, she wiped the table. When he cooked, she helped. When he repaired machines, she handed him tools.
Xiao Qian was a little surprised. She did not look like someone who knew how to do such work.
He gestured: You don’t need to do anything. Just stay.
She ignored him, stubbornly helping anyway.
Xiao Qian guessed that she felt embarrassed to eat and live here for free.
She did not speak on her own initiative, but whatever Xiao Qian said, she responded. Perhaps it had been too long since Xiao Qian had “spoken” with outsiders; sometimes he had a lot to say. She would give a soft sigh and continue signing.
At times, she would reply: “You are a talkative mute.”
Xiao Qian paused, then smiled awkwardly.
He explained: “I’m actually not that talkative. I just want to chat with you more.”
She froze for a moment, then lowered her head.
Word that someone had come to his house spread quickly through the village. People came to peek, to harass, and he drove them all away.
But one day, his third paternal uncle came and said he should take this opportunity to get married. Xiao Qian’s face flushed red. He shook his head, saying the girl was still young, and he himself was already almost twenty-nine.
His uncle frowned. There are those with age gaps of more than twenty years, nothing unusual.
Xiao Qian still shook his head, though his face remained red. After a long silence, he signed: She wouldn’t agree either.
His uncle also signed: They don’t have any background, do they? If she marries you, I can give them an identity.
Xiao Qian was stunned. He asked if it was true, then quickly said, Then just help them get it directly.
Uncle: No relation, no reason. Why should I?
Xiao Qian pleaded a few more times, but the other would not agree and turned away.
A few days later, Xiao Qian finally brought it up to her. He felt deeply ashamed, as if he were taking advantage of a crisis.
In that one or two seconds when the girl first showed a flicker of joy and then fell into sudden silence, her clear dark eyes staring blankly at him, his heart suddenly ached.
He felt that he should immediately say forget it, immediately go to his third uncle to argue and fight for it, no matter what, to secure a household registration for her and her younger brother.
Just as he was about to stand up, in that last second, the girl lightly gestured to him: *What do you think about marriage?*
Xiao Qian’s face flushed as if on fire at once. He… he was willing. He only feared that she would not think much of him.
But in the end, the girl wrote down their names: “Cheng Xijiang, Cheng Tian…”
So her name was Cheng Xijiang.
What a beautiful name, Xiao Qian thought to himself. He did not know what sounds those three characters made when spoken, but he felt they looked beautiful.
Truly beautiful.
If he could hear, then when spoken aloud, it would surely sound just as beautiful.
As beautiful as the voice he imagined for her.
On the day of the wedding, Xiao Qian set up a small banquet and went to the market to buy her a pretty red dress.
A little embarrassed, he handed it to her, afraid she might find it too bright and not want to wear it. He signed: It’s just for festivity. You don’t have to wear it.
But Xijiang wore it. It fit well, and it looked good.
Afraid she might be shy, Xiao Qian only led the bride to offer a single cup of tea to everyone, instead of going table by table. Then he let her return to the room.
The relatives burst into laughter, probably mocking how much he doted on her. He did not mind. After all, he could not hear.
That night, although he had drunk a little, he did not intend to do anything. He only wanted to gently hold her for a moment, but he ended up scaring her into tears.
Startled, he sobered at once, filled with self-reproach. He hurriedly wrote to her that he would never harm her.
Yes. He barely had enough time to protect her. How could he possibly harm her?
In his eyes, Xijiang was very endearing.
At first, she was always silent, only responding, never initiating conversation. But gradually, she would occasionally ask him some questions, all sorts of curious little things:
That chicken, how does it jump up to eat leaves?
The cow’s eyes are so big. So pretty.
What does this machine do?
So many stars. That is the Milky Way.
He did not know why, but he just found her endearing. Every gesture she made, he loved to watch.
Xiao Qian did not know why it was like this either. Perhaps it was because for so many years in the past, he had lived alone in a silent world, and her appearance brought rise and movement into his life.
Perhaps it was because his parents had abandoned him too early, and he had never had friends, no family, and no one had ever treated him as a normal person. Yet Cheng Xijiang’s dark eyes always looked straight at him, sincere and unwavering.
Whatever the reason, it was not important. What mattered was that he felt happy whenever he saw her. Whether she spoke, or did not speak.
So this was what liking someone was. It turned out to be such a simple thing.
At first, Cheng Xijiang was always a little dazed, without much emotion, as if neither happy nor sad.
Until one day, when he was repairing a tricycle in the threshing ground, and Cheng Xijiang sat beside him, handing him tools. A small piece of film suddenly sprang out and struck his face. He flinched in pain, letting out a hoarse, odd sound.
Xijiang froze, then suddenly pressed her lips together and smiled, her eyes curving.
That was the first time Xiao Qian had seen her smile. It was truly beautiful. He even wished that every piece of film would hit him, as long as it could make her smile.
He began teaching her to ride the tricycle. She learned happily, and smiled again.
Xiao Qian realized she picked things up as soon as he taught them, quickly mastering the skill.
She even carried him and Cheng Tian in the cargo bed, circling again and again around the threshing ground. Cheng Tian was very happy, clapping cheerfully, and she was happy too.
And when she was happy, Xiao Qian was happy.
Xiao Qian discovered that she liked learning things, so he went on to teach her how to use the sewing machine, the diesel engine, bookkeeping…
She learned everything earnestly, and her mood seemed to improve as well.
Xiao Qian could actually guess that Xijiang had a past she did not wish to mention. She also had someone she liked. But he did not mind. His past life had been lonely, and he had no family. Now, Cheng Xijiang and Cheng Tian were his family.
Family should be tolerant of one another.
And after having family, it seemed that everything changed.
He had a goal to strive for, and a meaning for a better life.
Every time he went to the market or into town, whenever he saw pretty little trinkets, saw MP3 players that could play songs, saw tasty snacks, he wanted to bring them back for her.
And bringing her things in itself was happiness.
For the first time in his life, he had something to care about.
In this world, there was someone who needed him, this deaf man, and someone who relied, in their small way, on him, this mute.
Only, Xiao Qian also felt sorrow.
When you like someone, no matter how selfless, you will still hope for some return.
Cheng Xijiang was actually very good to him.
A button had fallen off Xiao Qian’s clothes, and he had not bothered with it. But one day, he saw the clothes hanging on the rack, the button already sewn back on.
He came home late. Xijiang and Tiantian were already asleep, but the rice cooker still kept the food warm, and there was even a fried egg specially added for him.
Everyday little things, many, many of them.
He was taking care of her, and she was also taking care of him. Warming each other.
That should be enough, right?
But when you like someone deeply enough, you always begin to want more, and it no longer feels like enough.
What hurt him most was that she did not like him.
No. It was not that.
She did, in fact, like him, but the way one likes an older brother. Not the way one likes a man.
Xiao Qian was also curious about what kind of person the one in her heart was, to make her miss him like this, to make her so quiet like this.
He could not understand either what kind of person that was, how he could bear to hurt someone as good as her into this state.
From then on, his heart was no longer at peace. On one side, he told himself to be content, to cherish what he had now. On the other, whenever he saw her occasionally lost in thought, he too felt lonely and sorrowful.
But that night, when Xijiang cried and told him she would try, but did not know how long it would take, his heart ached for her, and he felt a little relieved.
Having that one sentence from her was enough. No matter how long it took, he was willing to wait.
Even if that day never came, he would not blame anyone. At least, she was still by his side, still his family.
After going to work on the ship, Xijiang and Tiantian became a little more cheerful, and Xiao Qian also became happier.
They lived like a real family, working together, living together, saving money, planning for the future.
After they had work, they talked more.
During work, they each did their best at their posts. Back in their small room, Xiao Qian would tell her what had happened that day, and Xijiang would also talk about what she had done in the restaurant, what kind of guests she had met.
She would even bring back food from the restaurant, and the three of them would gather together to share it. They would chat, they would laugh.
Sometimes, when Xiao Qian encountered particularly strange people at work, he would come back frowning, unable to help complaining, his gestures flying everywhere.
Cheng Xijiang, with a calm face, would sign: “Wow, who knew the little mute could have a temper too.”
Xiao Qian would pause, then smile.
At such moments, Xiao Qian always felt that life like this could not be any better.
Heaven had truly treated him well.
When resting, they would stand on the upper deck and look out over the river, where water and sky merged into one. At night, they would also gaze at the stars together. Several times, Xijiang fell asleep and unconsciously leaned against Xiao Qian’s shoulder.
At those times, the world was dim and quiet, above them a deep indigo sky, below them silvery-gray water. Xiao Qian’s heart was calm.
It was not the same quiet as in the many years before. It was a quiet filled with happiness.
He truly wished that days like this could go on forever.
But that day’s accident was something no one had expected.
How happy Xijiang was at the amusement park. She played with Tiantian, having so much fun. She was smiling, bright as sunlight.
Xiao Qian could not hear her laughter. Even if he could, he thought, her smiling face alone was enough to mute the whole world.
As he jumped into the icy water and swam toward her, Xijiang’s smiling face kept flashing before his eyes.
He wanted so much to look at it a little longer. Perhaps, at that moment, he already had a premonition that he would not make it back to the surface. His heart was filled with fear, but what he feared was that even if he risked his life, he might not be able to save her.
He absolutely did not want them to die together at the bottom of the lake. He begged Heaven, desperately begged, asking to trade his life for hers, to let her live.
A life as beautiful as hers should not fall in such a cold lake.
And he was different. Deaf and mute, alone in the world. Whether he lived or died, no one would care.
No. That was not right.
Xiao Qian remembered that time in the village, when they were at the market. For some reason, Xijiang had suddenly argued with a stall owner. Only later did Tiantian tell him that it was because the man had called him a deaf person in a derogatory way.
That night, he had been both excited and moved, unable to sleep at all.
And on the ship, she had done similar things more than once. She had even argued with the manager, reasoning firmly, for his sake.
She cared about him. He had always known. Like the button on his clothes, that was enough. Enough.
She cared about him. She pushed him away with all her strength, begging him not to save her, begging him to live.
In the water, Xiao Qian wept. Enough. It was enough.
She had been his wife for more than two years.
For this lifetime of his, it was enough.
His final wish was to use all his strength to push her up to the surface, to let her live.
Cheng Xijiang, don’t look back. Live well.
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