Chapter Eighteen (Part 3): The Knot in the Heart
He could not deny it. His gloomy mood had improved considerably.
On the drive back, the speed was slow enough to make her drowsy. The road was an uneven dirt road covered in snow, its surface gleaming where the wheels had crushed it down.
Lu Yin drifted in and out of sleep for a while. She looked at her watch. It was already six o’clock.
It had taken him only half an hour to go pick her up, yet the trip back had taken much longer.
Lu Yin licked her lips and could not help looking at him. Lu Qiang tilted his head against the back of his seat, his lips relaxed, giving him an almost languid, carefree air. Yet both hands gripped the steering wheel firmly, his gaze steady and fixed intently on the road ahead.
Because of another person’s presence, he had no choice but to be cautious about every unknown.
By the time the car reached the village entrance, darkness had completely settled in. The white-bright fields from before had fallen into a dead silence. The bitter wind raged, stirring the treetops like some giant beast howling.
Lu Yin had grown up in a small town in the south, nestled among mountains and water, where the air was warm and pleasant. She had never been to the countryside in the north, so she was somewhat stunned when her feet touched the ground. Before she could recover, the heavy coat slipped from her shoulders. Lu Qiang gathered the coat around her and led her inside with an arm around her.
The countryside at night was exceptionally dark. There was no din of cars or horses, no brilliant city lights. Everything before her was pitch-black, and she could only let him lead the way.
After about five or six minutes, a light finally appeared ahead. More and more courtyards came into view, and she realized that the place was not actually lifeless at all. Every household had hung large red lanterns, and the occasional sound of firecrackers reached her ears. Groups of three or five children ran around in padded jackets, their cheeks red from the cold like apples.
Lu Yin became distracted by the sight. She stepped onto a patch of ice, stumbled, and let out a little cry.
Lu Qiang reacted swiftly, grabbing her around the waist and steadying her.
“Did you twist it?”
“No.” She grabbed his arm. “Aren’t you cold?”
He had given her his coat, leaving himself in only a thin sweater, and it even had a wide neckline.
“What do you think?”
“Why don’t you take it back?” She tugged at the coat.
“Keep it on.”
Lu Yin took his bare hand in hers, wanting to warm it for him. “How much farther?”
“About ten minutes.”
“Then let’s walk faster.”
He looked at her in the darkness. “Want me to carry you?”
Lu Yin was startled. “Don’t fool around. Look where we are.”
She was somewhat uneasy. Just now in the car, there had been several times when she hesitated, wanting to turn back, but she had forced herself not to say anything. In a moment of hot-headedness, coming here today had ultimately been too rash. She had brought no gift, her clothes were not formal enough, and she was disheveled to boot. She could not have looked more wretched if she tried.
No matter how you looked at it, she had not taken this meeting seriously enough.
She had mulled it over the entire way. Only when she stood inside the brightly lit house did she realize that the situation was somewhat beyond what she had expected.
When Genzi saw the two of them come in, he first opened his mouth, then his eyes shifted and he smiled as he called out, “Sister-in-law.” The older couple also stared intently at Lu Yin.
Lu Qiang stood there. “Uncle, Auntie, this is Lu Yin.” Then he said to her, “These are Genzi’s parents. Just call them what I do.”
The corners of Lu Yin’s mouth stiffened slightly. “Hello, Uncle. Hello, Auntie.”
Wang Mu immediately came back to herself and warmly took her hand. Her eyes were full of delight and envy as she turned to him. “Qiangzi, this is your wife?”
Lu Qiang exchanged a glance with her. One lowered her head, the other answered, “Yes.”
Wang Mu turned back to Lu Yin, seriously looking her up and down this time. “Good, good. What a pretty girl!”
Embarrassed by the praise, Lu Yin lowered her head even further.
Genzi came to her rescue. “Mom, stop going on and on. They must both be hungry. Go make some food.”
Wang Mu slapped her forehead. “Look at my memory. Tonight...” She suddenly stopped, as though she had thought of something, then gave an awkward smile. “You two will just stay here at Auntie’s tonight. You and Qiangzi sleep in that room, and Xiao Zhi can squeeze in with us. Wait, I’ll go make you something to eat.”
Lu Yin forced a smile and followed Lu Qiang to sit down.
Her mood was completely off. During dinner, she forced herself to swallow. The dishes Genzi’s mother kept putting into her bowl piled up like a little mountain, but in the end she had only managed to finish less than half a bowl.
Lu Qiang said nothing. He lowered his eyes, glanced at her, then transferred that half-bowl into his own.
Wang Mu was startled. “That’s all you’ve eaten?”
Lu Yin glanced at him and hurriedly said with a smile, “I’m dieting, Auntie.”
“Look how thin you are. Don’t diet anymore.” Afraid she might have neglected them, Wang Mu was unfailingly courteous. “Here, have some more soup.”
After dinner, they chatted for a while before Wang Mu sent the two of them back to the side room. The kang had already been made up, and hot water was heating on the stove, but somehow Lu Yin still felt completely out of place, an uncontrollable dejection settling over her.
Lu Qiang half leaned against the edge of the kang, his long legs stretched straight out and crossed at the ankles. He took out a cigarette, lit it, and silently watched her.
Lu Yin pulled down the zipper of her shoe and sighed. “Was I wrong to come?”
He took a drag and looked at her through the smoke.
Lu Yin took off her socks, braced herself behind her, and sat down on the kang. It was too high, leaving both her feet dangling in midair. She twisted them together. “It’s not really appropriate for us to sleep here at Genzi’s, is it?”
The stove beside them hissed and crackled.
She asked, “Why aren’t we going home?”
There was only a short stub of cigarette left between his fingers.
Lu Yin gently tugged at his sleeve and quietly voiced her guess. “Auntie... doesn’t approve of you having a girlfriend?”
Lu Qiang finally spoke. “It has nothing to do with you.”
She breathed a sigh of relief, but still could not understand. “You haven’t gone back either?”
Lu Qiang did not answer. His cheeks hollowed sharply as he took another drag, the ember flaring brilliantly for an instant before burning to the end. He tossed the cigarette butt into the basin, then lifted one of her feet onto his leg and lowered his head to put her sock back on.
Lu Yin was completely bewildered. “What are you doing?”
Lu Qiang bent down to pick up her shoe. “Going home.”
***
Wang Mu had just brought Qian Yuanqing some food. She could not walk, so she had asked her to lock the courtyard gate from the outside. Lu Qiang took the key and brought Lu Yin back with him.
Wang Mu was worried and planned to follow them to have a look, but Genzi stopped her.
The instant Lu Qiang lifted the door curtain, he suddenly stopped. Lu Yin felt his grip on her hand tighten slightly.
The two of them stood in the darkness for a while. Lu Qiang said, “I might not be able to get through this door.”
Lu Yin waited for him to explain. After a moment, he added, “She might like you.”
Lu Yin wanted to say something, but he had already pulled her inside.
A wave of warmth rushed over them. Qian Yuanqing was half leaning over a shoe sole, stitching the bottom of a shoe. Above her head, a single yellow light bulb glowed from the wall. The room was dim and murky, its atmosphere completely different from Genzi’s home.
When Qian Yuanqing saw someone barge in, she was startled. Once she got a clear look, her face immediately darkened.
Lu Qiang did not move forward either. “Mom,” he called. “I brought someone back for you. This is Lu Yin.”
She did not notice that Lu Qiang was introducing her. Her entire attention was fixed on the cabinet opposite them. At its center was a black-and-white photograph, with a plate of fruit, a plate of pastries, and a box of cigarettes arranged in front of it. The cigarette box was something like silver in color. Her uncle had smoked them before, and she vaguely remembered that they were called Hudiequan.
There was a memorial portrait in the room, and seeing it at first glance frightened her badly. But when she secretly looked again, the old man in the frame had kind, benevolent features, the corners of his eyes carrying a smile. His pupils were a grayish brown, and he looked very gentle. For some inexplicable reason, there was something familiar and comforting about him, and she was no longer quite so afraid.
Only when she noticed Lu Qiang squeezing her hand did she realize she had no idea how long she had been lost in thought.
Lu Yin looked at him. Lu Qiang said, “This is my mom.”
She hurriedly smiled at her. “Hello, Auntie.”
Only then did Qian Yuanqing turn her gaze toward her. After looking her over for a moment, she gave a cold snort. “Get out.”
Lu Yin froze, the smile stiffening at the corners of her lips.
Lu Qiang held onto her and did not move. “We have nowhere to stay. It’s our first time back, and it’s inconvenient to stay at Genzi’s. We’ll sleep with you tonight, okay?”
It was the first time Lu Yin had ever heard him speak in this kind of tone. It was not as gentle as when he coaxed her, nor as cold and forceful as when he spoke to other people. There was a trace of unfamiliarity, a trace of deference, and even a faint hint of ingratiation that was almost impossible to notice.
Qian Yuanqing remained focused on the work in her hands. “The temple is too small. It can’t accommodate a Buddha like you.”
Lu Yin could feel the sweat in his palm as she heard him say, “Mom... about what happened before, actually I...”
“Shut up,” she shouted, the thing in her hands becoming misshapen. “You want him to be unable to rest in peace down there too?”
Lu Qiang pressed his lips together and did not continue. After a while, he said, “Yinyin was supposed to be spending New Year’s at home. When she heard you’d fallen, she took a plane to Huaizhou first thing this morning, then transferred to a train for several more hours to Wuqing. She’s been traveling almost the entire day. She’s from the south, this is her first time in the north, she isn’t used to the climate, and she didn’t bring enough clothes...”
Qian Yuanqing’s hands paused, but she did not raise her head. “It has nothing to do with me.”
Lu Qiang said, “Don’t let her sleep at the end of the kang tonight. I’m afraid it’ll be too hot for her.”
A cold snort came from the other side.
He continued, “Leave the light on when she gets up to use the bathroom at night. It’s too dark here. I’m afraid she’ll fall.”
Qian Yuanqing did not want to hear it. Frowning, she said, “Get out. Don’t wait for me to do it myself.”
Lu Qiang’s eyes darkened. He hardened his heart and pushed Lu Yin forward, neither gently nor forcefully. “Your daughter-in-law. You deal with her.”
Lu Yin staggered from the push and instinctively turned around to grab him, but her fingers only caught the edge of his clothes. She took two steps after him, then stopped helplessly.
She could neither leave nor stay. She was a little angry that he had pushed her straight into the line of fire, but then she thought about the estrangement between mother and son. It was obvious he could not handle it himself, so he was using her to play the gentle card.
Lu Yin secretly clenched her teeth, unable to stop herself from cursing that man hundreds of times in her heart.
Yet Qian Yuanqing did not tell her to leave either. She simply lowered her head and focused on her work, treating her as though she were air.
Lu Yin stood awkwardly for a while, feeling that she should say something. “Auntie, what are you making?”
No one answered her.
Lu Yin stuck out her tongue. “Are you making shoes?”
As expected, she received no answer.
For the first time in her life, Lu Yin was being this thick-skinned, and she cursed Lu Qiang again in her heart. After standing alone for a while, the soles of her feet began to ache. She shifted around and quietly sat down on the little stool beside her.
Time passed second by second. Lu Yin propped her chin on her hand. At first, she could still pay attention to Qian Yuanqing, but after traveling all day, exhaustion came over her. Her head began to nod repeatedly, her eyelids so heavy she could barely keep them open.
She did not know how long had passed when suddenly a voice came from beside her.
“Come up and sleep. Are you waiting for me to invite you?”
Lu Yin’s head dropped with a jolt, instantly waking her.
Qian Yuanqing was still looking down. “Sleep over there. Get yourself a quilt.”
Lu Yin hurriedly answered, “Okay.”
At the eastern end of the kang was a row of low cabinets. Following the instructions, she casually pulled out a quilt and spread it out. The countryside was inconvenient after all. She had neither washed up nor changed into pajamas. She lay down in the corner, with enough space between the two of them for a whole river.
Qian Yuanqing finished putting away the miscellaneous things, took off her coat, and struggled to lower herself down.
Lu Yin half propped herself up. “Do you want me to help you?”
There was no answer from the other side. The light was switched off in one motion, darkness descended, and the air immediately fell silent.
Lu Yin sat there dazed for a moment before lying back down.
This time, she could not fall asleep for a long while.
The breathing on the other side was steady. Much later, when her consciousness was gradually becoming hazy, she heard her speak.
Lu Yin: “Hmm?”
Qian Yuanqing repeated, “How long have you known that little bastard?”
“Since he got out of prison. Almost a year.”
There was silence again, but Lu Yin knew she was not asleep. Sparse moonlight filtered in through the window, dividing the wall into six sections.
At night, the wind had died down, yet it was still cold.
Qian Yuanqing asked, “Do you know why he went to prison?”
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