13. Wearing Two Kinds of Perfume at Once
Sui Tang's kiss came suddenly. When savored carefully afterward, it did not feel out of place.
Wang Meili interrogated him, asking why he had kissed her.
Sui Tang countered by asking why she had lied. Could something like a mother’s death be lied about?
Indeed, her motive was even more nonsensical.
Wang Meili said, “Then you go first.”
Without thinking, Sui Tang replied, “I don’t know.”
“I don’t know either!”
She truly did not know. After attending different sobriety meetings, she had grown especially fond of telling stories. Sometimes it was subconscious. A person with a story could so easily win others’ goodwill and closeness. Someone who had taken shortcuts would find it hard to keep their feet on solid ground.
Sui Tang’s arms tightened. Though it was clearly an embrace, his gaze looked down on her from above, casually wiping it all away in a single stroke. “Then forget it.”
She shot him a hard glare, snapping at him like a mad dog. Forget it? What do you mean, forget it?
“A reformed playboy isn’t some urban legend with me. First no kissing, now suddenly kissing again. Be honest…” She cocked one eyebrow playfully. “Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for me.”
A smile rose to the corners of his eyes, rippling into faint crow’s feet shaped by time.
Even for Sui Tang, this was the first time he had encountered such a question. He placed a light kiss at her cheek. “Whatever you say.”
Wang Meili did not want him to think she was crazy, so she rambled on, explaining her mother’s life trapped by marriage. Her mother had died of cervical cancer. Before passing, she lamented that she had lived a mediocre but dutiful life as a mother, never truly loving a man. She had been optimistic, firmly believing her daughter would become something great. She told Wang Meili that if she ever wrote a memoir, she must make her mother’s life sound more exciting. Better vulgar than dull, better to be a reckless woman driven by love than an ordinary mother with no story, confined to the kitchen.
He asked her whether this time it was real or not.
“You guess!”
She amused him.
At first, they held each other tightly, entwined like vines. Visually, one could not say they were deeply in love, but they were certainly very close. Gradually, beyond the milky lampshade, the shadows on the wall stilled. They held each other and looked into each other’s eyes, lips and tongues teasing, exchanging a few insincere, meaningless words. As drowsiness crept up on them, they lost interest in probing further. At some moment before sleep, they wordlessly parted, each finding the edge of their own bed. Their bodies became parallel lines drifting farther apart, and they slipped into unconsciousness with a sense of ease.
#
#
Wang Meili did not come home that night. Standing at the threshold of thirty, with both parents gone and no partner, she suddenly faced an absurd predicament. She was seriously trying to come up with an excuse for not returning home overnight.
How could she explain it so that Jin Yu would believe her?
Why did she need him to believe her? Yes, why?
Did she owe Jin Yu any promises? Did she?
She had never been secretive about going out, and she spoke calmly even about chance romantic encounters. Wang Meili secretly encouraged herself. Be honest. Just like before, say it openly. Say she had met a lover last night. Just like when she faced Sui Tang, she had never felt guilty mentioning that there was a man at home.
The city’s morning simmered with an unrest that had not yet reached a boil. A few scattered horns sounded. A taxi passed a clothing store of a fast fashion brand with a large logo, its doors and windows still tightly shut. Wang Meili was surprised that she had woken earlier than the shops.
She asked the driver to stop in front of a baozi shop.
Steam rose fragrantly from the bamboo baskets. She stood at the back of the line, thinking of bringing some baozi for Jin Yu. He liked meat, so she would buy two large meat buns.
She had often thought about these meat buns, but could never get out of bed early enough. Jin Yu was a lazybones too. For him, staying up late was easier than waking early, so they often missed breakfast and muddled through lunch instead. She had mentioned this shop before, saying the buns were huge. He had asked how big. She gestured with her hands, stopping at her chest. To whet his appetite, she said they were bigger than hers.
Jin Yu had replied without hesitation, “Impossible.”
Wang Meili queued for fifteen minutes, growing ravenous from the smell. When it was finally her turn, hunger-driven marketing got the better of her and she bought ten in one go. She ate as she walked. By the time she took a bite of the second, just through the dough, she was already full.
Holding the bun with its filling exposed, she continued toward home, her steps noticeably slowing. She lowered her head and compared it with herself. It was indeed impossible. How could she compare with a big meat bun?
Wang Meili liked to wear French-style triangular bras without underwire. Visually, they gave the cotton soft curves a certain rise and fall. Judging by Jin Yu’s understanding of women, if they could barely be contained, then they must be very large.
She would sigh at his innocence, telling him to date more, to touch a few more girls, or at least spend more time browsing porn sites.
He seemed good-tempered, but his face soured easily. Whenever jokes like this came up, he would show obvious displeasure. Symptoms included his handsome face collapsing, his breathing growing heavy, and a complicated look appearing in his eyes, one that seemed older than his years.
At times like that, Wang Meili would deploy her tricks. She would pinch his fair, clean face and call him adorable, or lean on his shoulder and play dumb. In moments like these, she found it hard to convince herself that Jin Yu was someone casual about relationships.
A racing heart did not depend on the opening and closing of the mouth to say “I love you.” It depended on scent, on recognition. The closer she got to the apartment, the stronger her heartbeat became. Wang Meili could smell her own nervousness.
Whether this nervousness was attraction, she did not know. Step by step, faltering, she grew irritable, feeling as though she were being morally coerced.
It was unbearable.
The moment she opened the door and looked around, her heart slammed heavily to the ground. Her shoes flew off in opposite directions as she escaped from them.
Reassured, she collapsed onto the bed, letting out a long breath. Only then did she realize that her so-called openness was not flawless.
She closed her eyes and fell asleep again.
#
#
At the beginning of spring, as ice and snow melted, the withered grass had yet to show signs of life, while new buds stubbornly pushed out green at the tips of branches.
That weekend, Jin Yu went out for a barbecue with friends. Two classmates from Grenoble INP, one colleague, and some friends from a gaming group. Six were expected, ten showed up. Four pairs of couples, either already together or on the verge, and two single guys, one of whom was Jin Yu.
He really did not want to admit he was single, but he did not know how to introduce Wang Meili. He was responsible for preparing the beef and chicken. The day he stuffed them into the fridge, he had tried asking her if she wanted to join the barbecue. Wang Meili refused, saying it was a gathering for kids like them, and her presence would only dampen the mood. She carried herself entirely like a self-aware parent.
A classmate nicknamed Hei Gou (Black Dog), who was staying over, brought his girlfriend along. Two weeks ago, they had still been just friends. Today, their hands were like conjoined bodies stapled together, not letting go even to pass a bamboo skewer.
Jin Yu heard the girl say she had to have dinner with her parents later that evening. Hei Gou said, then I will take you home after the barbecue.
A straight guy who usually cursed nonstop now spoke more gently than cotton candy. The moment he turned his face, he kicked Jin Yu and asked when he was moving his luggage out.
Jin Yu asked, what, is she moving in?
Hei Gou said not yet, but soon. As he spoke, he shot him a lewd look. A look that, as a man, one would understand.
Jin Yu said dejectedly, got it, I will move in the next couple of days.
He had only brought three suitcases in total when he came. Two were at Hei Gou’s place, and one was still with Wang Meili. Even that one suitcase was in the way, always getting knocked into when he got up at night.
Her place was too small. He wanted to switch to somewhere bigger, but did not know how to bring it up. It was not his place to take her away anyway. The words she repeated every day were, “Have you found a place yet,” “You are not planning to freeload off me, right,” “Oh my god, I am not actually keeping you, am I”…
Jin Yu was very wary of words like "kept man," and since he had not found a chance to get the upper hand over her, he could only respond with clear intent. “Is that okay? Jiejie… I do not want to work hard anymore.”
Every time he called her jiejie, she would react with exaggerated delight. So Jin Yu was always stingy with those two words, aiming to make each use get him whatever he wanted.
Wang Meili cupped her face and looked him up and down seriously, as if considering the feasibility. For a moment, Jin Yu felt he had made something of himself, that he could actually live off his looks. His parents would probably beat him to death.
The next second, Wang Meili shook her head firmly, for the first time blocking out the word jiejie. “No. You eat too much. I cannot afford to keep you.”
He was strong and vigorous, able to go as many times as needed, fast when it had to be fast, slow when it had to be slow. If not for all that food and meat, how would he have the strength to plow so skillfully?
They laughed it off. Being with her was always pleasant. Even saying a pile of nonsense could make them happy. He felt that this was what being in love was like, yet it was also different from the love he had imagined.
Jin Yu fell into a predicament. This predicament was certainly better than before, when he would hold his phone waiting for messages, but he had become especially discontent.
He sat on a folding chair outdoors, looking at the couples in front of him, some ambiguous, some passionately in love, and his mood was terrible. He felt that in terms of physical intimacy, he and Wang Meili were certainly no more distant than those people, yet there was an indescribable gap between that and holding her hand, walking with her under the sunlight.
This distance made him more uneasy than the strangers he once was with on his phone.
Because of his irritation, he ate a lot of meat, so much that when he got into the car, the seatbelt pressed against his stomach and made him uncomfortable. Even so, he endured it and drove the two couples back to their respective homes. The last one he dropped off was Hei Gou, but he did not go up to get his luggage. He knew Wang Meili’s place was too cramped to fit his suitcase.
Hei Gou asked Jin Yu to lend him the car next week. He did not drive it to work anyway, and he wanted to take his girlfriend camping.
“Sure, no problem,” Jin Yu agreed readily.
The next question from Hei Gou was less pleasant. He said, “Why not bring that girl you like along? Your progress is not looking good. She would not even come out to meet your friends today. Did it already fall through?”
Jin Yu unbuckled his seatbelt for him and pushed him out of the car. “Get out, get out, get out.”
He really wanted to talk to a friend about it, but as a grown man, it felt inappropriate. He drove home, deciding to process and resolve it on his own.
The moment he opened the door, Jin Yu felt the problem had been solved.
He forgot that the root of the problem was that whenever he was with Wang Meili, she would derail everything with jokes, making it impossible to talk about feelings. At this moment, seeing her harmless, drowsy sleeping face, his mind went completely blank.
He was almost instantly at the bedside. He held her face, pecking at her cheek, her lips, behind her ear, the hollow of her neck, the soft, messy hair at her temple. After only a few kisses, his voice had already turned hoarse beyond reason. “I missed you so much…”
Wang Meili was surrounded by a surge of fervent heartbeat. It had nothing to do with the nervousness of the morning. She smelled a real, unfamiliar, warm kind of flutter.
Beyond that stirring of consciousness, the smoky, worldly barbecue scent he brought back also stirred her empty stomach.
They had only been apart for a day and a night, yet both harbored their own hidden thoughts, kissing as if the ground itself were shaking.
In the breathless pause of halftime, Jin Yu held her and asked in confusion, “Aren’t you usually busy on Saturday nights?”
She said she had been too tired last night and needed to rest today. Jin Yu nodded. “Then did you sleep well this afternoon?”
She said it was good, then asked, “Was the barbecue fun today? Any pretty girls?”
Jin Yu deliberately said, “No. When I go out, I cannot see women.”
“Are you insane.” She did not even know whether to be happy or upset.
After a moment of quiet, his kisses came again. She was hungry, so she changed the subject. “I bought you meat buns.”
“Really? Does that place not only open until nine thirty in the morning?”
“I woke up… came back early today, passed by and bought them.”
Jin Yu hurried to turn on the light, excitedly heading for the fridge. Wang Meili had mentioned those buns many times. He had always wanted to try them.
Wang Meili said, “Why did you not ask why I did not come back last night?”
“Oh…” He paused mid-step. “What else could it be? You drank too much.” Jin Yu sniffed the buns. Beneath the cold dough, the fragrance of meat faintly surfaced. They smelled delicious. He placed them on a plate and put them into the microwave. After organizing his thoughts, he added, “Remember, you absolutely cannot drink until you lose consciousness. What if the other ear gets damaged too, then you will end up with elf ears.” Of course he worried about her getting taken advantage of while drunk, but this was Wang Meili. With how fierce she was, if anyone took advantage of her, it was probably because she let it happen. Saying it would be pointless.
“Elf ears look great. It is a very popular cosmetic procedure now.” She touched her ear and muttered, “I was wondering why you did not message me on WeChat…”
“Would I dare? Every time I ask, you snap at me.” As he spoke, he bent down to look for his glasses. The kiss just now had been too intense. He had forgotten where they were flung.
“When have I snapped at you.” Wang Meili refused to admit it.
“You have. Want me to pull up the chat history?” He found his glasses in the corner, checked that they were not damaged, and was just about to put them on when Wang Meili lunged over and hugged him tightly. “Hey, no. Those were drunk words. How can drunk talk be taken seriously? And besides, how could I bear to snap at you. You are so capable.”
“Capable?” His tone rose at the end.
“Capable.” The emphasis fell on the second syllable.
He thrust his hips lightly against her. “Then next time you snap at me, remember my strengths.”
She was so moved she nearly fell apart. Even hugging and kissing did not seem enough to release that feeling. Right now, she wanted to swallow this beautiful, attentive little wolf dog whole.
Jin Yu held her. “Remember what you said.”
She nodded vigorously.
Receiving permission, Jin Yu kissed her, then licked his lips and asked in an offhand tone, “…By the way, who is Sui Tang?”
Wang Meili looked into his eyes and forgot to act.
At the beginning of spring, she hallucinated a thunderclap of midsummer heat by her ear.
So there were two sets of values living inside her body. It was only that the gentler one had long been violently suppressed by the unruly one under the name of being “different.”
At that moment, the vague lines of their relationship gradually became clear. She heard a heartbeat besieged on all sides.
Wang Meili understood. Facing Jin Yu, she could neither remain detached, like a god looking down without feeling, nor could she safely remain a fence-sitter playing dumb. She could resonate with his emotions. That was a bad thing.
#
#
Wang Meili had once partnered with Qin Su in reselling goods bought abroad. Selling things required writing copy, and writing copy required firsthand experience. Before they learned to copy from official websites and Douban, they had once nearly lost their sense of smell at the Sephora perfume counter.
That period of experience taught her that some scents, when layered, were compatible, while some fragrances were independent, and spraying them together would make one dizzy.
Back then, she had concluded to Qin Su, “People cannot wear two strongly distinctive perfumes at the same time.”
She had not expected that this sentence would suit her current situation so well. Then again, principles were always universally applicable.
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