Extra. He Ruolin
He Ruolin’s feelings for Xu Cheng were “love at first sight.” At least, that was how she later told Wei Hang.
That year, she had just started her first year of graduate study at the Academy of Fine Arts. Her boyfriend of four years, Wei Hang, returned to his hometown after graduation to take the civil service exam and proposed a breakup.
His mother even said that now her son was a civil servant, he would marry someone within the system in the future, that was the most suitable match.
She lost ten jin in a single month and could not pull herself out of it. Her best friend was nearly driven mad by her. She swore she would start dating before Wei Hang did, and if it worked out, she would even get married before him.
After all, in those four years of university, she had given everything with a sincere heart. But such an ending wounded her to the core. As for love or not, it was nothing much after all.
She would either find a very handsome man or a very rich one. As long as he had one of the two, she would not be at a loss.
That year, the Academy of Fine Arts was building a new campus. The graduate dormitories were moved to the suburbs, but classes were still held at the main campus. He Ruolin and her best friend rented a place near the school.
The south gate was a living area, full of everyday bustle, and the crowd there was complicated.
One day, her best friend said a new Jiangzhou noodle shop had opened by the south gate. After finishing their part-time job, the two went to eat noodles. The moment she stepped inside, He Ruolin noticed a very tall and very handsome young man standing by the noodle pickup window. His handsomeness was upright and striking. He leaned against the wall, staring absently at the row of small bottles of condiments by the window.
He Ruolin studied painting and had drawn many good-looking models. But this one, she felt, was excessively outstanding. Brow bone, collarbone, the straight shoulder blades beneath the back of his shirt… as if every bone were perfectly shaped.
How could someone who studied art not be moved by “beauty”?
When she stepped up to the pickup window, his noodles happened to be ready. He moved the bowl aside and casually added condiments, somewhat absentminded.
Her best friend also thought he was handsome. Excited, she grabbed and tugged at He Ruolin’s arm, making a somewhat exaggerated noise. Xu Cheng glanced over unintentionally. When his gaze swept across He Ruolin’s face, it paused for a moment on her face, more precisely, on the mole at the corner of her eye.
He looked at her for a full three seconds.
The man’s eyes were clear and dark, bright. He Ruolin’s heart jumped up into her throat. When he left, her hands were numb. Even her best friend was left dazed by that brief glance, and after coming back to herself, she exclaimed softly that the man must know some kind of poison.
He Ruolin said, “Good-looking people just have an advantage.”
But when she carried her noodles to her seat, she sensed that the man was looking at her. She suspected she was overthinking. She knew her looks were only average, pleasant and delicate enough to be easy on the eyes, and better with makeup, but not to the extent of being truly beautiful.
Yet after hesitating and thinking it over, when she looked toward him again, he really was looking at her. And the moment their gazes met, he lowered his head.
He Ruolin was astonished and could not even eat her noodles in peace. In all her life, she had never been looked at like that repeatedly by a strange man, let alone one so handsome.
Who could withstand such “flattery”?
After a while, she noticed he kept glancing in her direction frequently, even staring at her directly. She grew more and more embarrassed. Finally, when she raised her head to meet his gaze, she saw him frown coldly and suddenly rush toward her.
A commotion sounded behind He Ruolin. She reacted immediately. “My phone!”
A man bolted, tugging at her bag. The painting tools and pigments inside scattered all over the ground.
Xu Cheng reached him in a few strides, grabbed the thief by the shoulder, and with a single motion flipped him onto his back.
Xu Cheng pressed him down by the chest, took a phone out of his pocket, and tapped it against his head. “Broad daylight, and you’ve got quite the nerve.”
The thief grinned and begged for mercy. “First time doing this. Have a heart.”
Xu Cheng said coldly, “Doesn’t look like your first time to me.”
“Please, just be a good man and let me off once.”
“I’m a police officer. Tell me, can I let you off?”
There was a police booth just outside the shop. The owner called officers over. Xu Cheng briefly explained the situation, and the man was taken away.
Xu Cheng returned the phone to He Ruolin, and she hurriedly thanked him.
He crouched down again to pick up the scattered paints on the ground. She crouched as well, quietly saying, “Thank you.”
Xu Cheng asked, “You paint?”
“Mm…”
“Oil painting?”
“You can tell?” She was a little surprised he recognized it.
“Not really.” He smiled faintly. A very shallow dimple appeared on one cheek.
Her best friend leaned in and asked, “You’re a police officer?”
“Hm?”
“Which department?”
“Municipal Public Security.”
Her best friend wanted to ask more, but he had already stood up and left.
On the way back, her best friend egged her on to go after him. “I think you’ve lost so much weight lately and still haven’t gotten over it. Go for it! The fastest way to end one heartbreak is to start a new relationship! Wei Hang’s already a civil servant. He’ll never come back to Yucheng, you two won’t have any result. That bastard is probably going on blind dates hundreds of times by now!”
He Ruolin secretly checked Wei Hang’s Weibo. One day she noticed a like from a stranger, a girl. A few days later, that girl even left him a comment. From what it said, they had met through work.
She buried herself under the blanket and cried once. Her best friend scolded her harshly: cry, cry, cry, what’s the use of crying! If you don’t pull yourself together, when he gets married you might as well go learn from Yiping and jump into the river!
He Ruolin went to wait outside the Tianhu District Public Security Bureau twice, but did not see him. If she could not see him again, then forget it.
But the third time, she saw Xu Cheng.
He was a little surprised and asked what she wanted.
She stammered, saying she wanted to ask about some self-protection knowledge for girls, because the area she lived in was not very safe, and she felt it would be better to know a police officer as a friend.
The way Xu Cheng looked at her, it was hard to tell whether he understood everything or simply saw through it all. He said, you should go find the officer responsible for your area. They will be more familiar with the situation.
She asked, aren’t you a police officer?
Xu Cheng said, I am criminal police. In your life, it would be best if you never run into me.
She said, then if I want to run into you, what should I do…
Xu Cheng opened his mouth, but when he looked into her eyes, he could not say anything in the end.
Finally, he did not say anything harsh, only told her not to come again.
Tianhu District was the largest and most prosperous district of Yucheng. He Ruolin’s school was in a corner of the neighboring district, not close to Tianhu, but she always took a ride here to see Xu Cheng. He told her several times not to come, but she kept coming.
Her personality was neither outgoing nor withdrawn, moderate and ordinary, without any distinct traits.
When she had been with Wei Hang before, she still had a lively energy. After the heavy blow of the breakup, she became silent, lost her spirit, and spoke much less.
She did not know whether she simply liked admiring Xu Cheng’s face, or wanted to find something to do to distract herself, but she really did want to see him. Seeing him made her feel somewhat at ease. Perhaps when they first met, he caught the thief and recovered her phone, which made her feel secure.
When she used to pursue Wei Hang, her mood rose and fell like a roller coaster every day, and she often felt shy and embarrassed.
Now, persistently “pursuing” Xu Cheng, she had grown much thicker-skinned, carrying a kind of pò guàn pò shuāi mentality, not feeling shame but instead a strange pride in it.
Unexpectedly, her mood was no longer so bad. At least, she was no longer gloomy, and she could restrain herself from frequently cyber-stalking Wei Hang and the various people around him.
The most proactive thing she did was to give him a painting she had made of him. When he received the painting, he was very silent, and it was unclear whether he liked it or disliked it.
As for everything else, she would not do it. She felt that with a personality like hers, it would probably be very difficult to win him over.
But after pursuing him for three months, they “got together.”
Neither of them said they liked each other, nor did they say they were together. It was just that one time, while crossing the road in front of the Public Security Bureau, a car nearly hit her. He pulled her by the elbow. When he let go, she grabbed his sleeve and would not release it. He struggled once, but she held on tightly.
Although He Ruolin had been coming to see him for the past few months as regularly as clocking in for work, without expecting anything, when it suddenly came to this, she felt inexplicably nervous and excited. In a flurry, she asked if they could have a meal together.
Xu Cheng seemed to think for a moment, then agreed.
When her best friend found out, she was very surprised and envious. “You can get a handsome guy like this? If I’d known, I would have gone after him too.”
He Ruolin was speechless. “Weren’t you the one who told me to go after him!”
Her best friend laughed. “Wasn’t that just to get you to shift your attention?”
Thinking of Wei Hang, He Ruolin’s heart still stung unexpectedly, but she used all her strength to push him to the back of her mind, telling herself that they were no longer possible.
As for Xu Cheng, He Ruolin often felt it was not very real. She did not quite believe Xu Cheng had become her boyfriend. Although she did not care much about such things, objectively speaking, Xu Cheng surpassed both her and Wei Hang by far in every aspect.
In truth, neither of them had ever formally said a single word like boyfriend and girlfriend or being together. But since they could make plans to meet and eat together, that counted.
As a “boyfriend,” he was fairly good. The drawback was that he was too busy with work and often could not reply to messages in time. During that period, he also happened to be traveling frequently on assignments. The frequency of their meetings was pitifully low. Seeing each other three times a month was already good.
Even their long-distance communication was rare. He Ruolin was not good at chatting with Xu Cheng over the phone; she was not that at ease. He also seemed to have no time for idle talk.
But aside from that, he was very good.
When he had time, he would eat with her. The most patient thing, and what made her happiest, was that he would go to the studio to watch her paint. Sometimes, painting required a long time. He would stay by her side, quietly looking at her canvas. He looked for a long time, even to the point that when she left midway to get something, he would still stare at the canvas, lost in thought.
There were no other activities.
He Ruolin complained to her best friend, saying she suspected he liked the painting. Her best friend said, that is also because of you.
She thought, probably so.
Her best friend asked again, then how much do you like him now? Does it reach five points?
He Ruolin fell silent. She did not know.
She indeed did not think of Wei Hang as much anymore, and she quite liked seeing Xu Cheng. But she felt that her heart was still somewhat empty.
Sometimes she even felt that his heart was empty too.
But when he looked at her, to be precise, when he stared at the tear mole at the corner of her eye, she felt that there was love in his heart.
Sometimes warm, sometimes hollow, a very contradictory state, like her.
The two of them were like two hollow people who seemed to be drawing closer, yet were actually very far apart.
He Ruolin had also considered whether to speak openly with him. She should also find a man to talk to about the pain, confusion, and torment she experienced in her previous relationship.
But she could not say it. She still could not talk about Wei Hang with anyone, so she let it go.
Overall, though, He Ruolin quite liked Xu Cheng. If she were to find a suitable person to date and develop with in the future, Xu Cheng would be her best choice.
At the beginning, her admiration for Xu Cheng started with his looks. After that, it was loyalty to his character.
He Ruolin and Xu Cheng were the same age, but Xu Cheng was far more mature in personality. He appeared easygoing and relaxed, not someone who kept others at a distance, nor aloof. He could chat with anyone he met, spoke with his own insights, but never boasted. He was serious and responsible in his work, not selfish or scheming. He treated everyone equally and always said thank you to service staff.
Although the two did not spend much time together, it was enough for He Ruolin to judge that he was a person who was, in himself, very good.
Only, in private, he would often drift into a daze, his eyes empty, as if his soul had already gone very, very far away. At times, he would even seem lonely.
Especially when he was driving, and music was playing in the car. It felt as if there were always those same two songs in his car, Beyond’s “Like You,” and another one, “Longer Than Dreams Is Longing.”
When the songs played, and the streetlights flowed across his face, there would be a fleeting moment in his eyes where a bone-deep pain surfaced.
Once, He Ruolin asked if he had something sad weighing on him, but he himself seemed confused and said he did not know.
Four months after they had “gotten together,” Xu Cheng’s unit assigned him a two-bedroom apartment. On the weekend, he went to the dormitory to sort through his belongings and move them home.
He Ruolin took the initiative to help him pack. He said it was not necessary, but she insisted on going.
At that time, her best friend reminded her that if she continued to treat this relationship in a lukewarm, neither-near-nor-far way, the ending would most likely be a breakup. “You and Wei Hang have been apart for half a year already, aren’t you going to wake up? And isn’t your current relationship a bit too loose? Four months, less than ten meetings. Even long-distance couples are not as indifferent as you two.”
He Ruolin decided to take it seriously. She also had a bit of her own calculation. She knew he shared the dormitory with colleagues, and she wanted to show her face in front of them.
Xu Cheng left midway to handle some work. As He Ruolin sorted his luggage, she found a very old Nokia phone at the bottom of a box, a model from several years ago.
She had never seen Xu Cheng use it, but a strange intuition made her plug in a charger.
After a short while, it turned on.
The wallpaper was a very beautiful girl, her smiling eyes curved, her hair tousled by the wind. The atmosphere of the photo was so good that He Ruolin thought it was just an image from the internet and did not pay much attention.
In the inbox, however, there was only one sender: “JX……”
June 23, 2005
“Xu Cheng, I think… I miss you again. T^T…”
June 23, 2005
“When are you coming back? I miss you so much. ^_^”
There were countless scattered messages, clearly in the coquettish, lively tone of a girl.
And the owner of the phone had cleared out everyone else, leaving only “JX.”
He Ruolin froze. With another tap, sure enough, the outbox was also only to one person: “JX.”
October 11, 2006:
“I…”
June 26, 2007
“I don’t ask for your forgiveness, only that you be safe. I only ask that you be safe.”
After that, they were mostly messages asking for her safety,
Until July 2005 and June 2005, the contents of those messages were almost frantic—
“I’m begging you.”
“Give me a chance to explain, okay?”
“I’m about to go crazy. I really am going crazy. Where are you?”
“I’m begging you. Tell me where you are, okay? I’m begging you…”
“Kill me then! Just stab me to death!”
“I’m kneeling and begging you, turn your phone on and call me back. I’m begging you.”
…
Countless frantic pleas, so overwhelming that even He Ruolin felt alarmed.
Until June 23, 2005, when it suddenly turned sweet.
“I miss you too.”
“I’ll be back soon. =3=”
“Then should I bring you ice cream?”
“I just had a really tasty soft candy, I’ll bring you some. Want it?”
June 22, 2006.
“I want to tuck you into my pocket and carry you with me all the time, take you out and kiss you whenever I think of it.”
…
She could not imagine it, not a single one. Those moments of madness, those acts of coquettish affection, that all of this could have come from Xu Cheng.
For a moment, she even suspected that this might not be Xu Cheng’s phone.
There was too much. She could not finish reading it, nor could she go through it one by one.
This was not Xu Cheng’s phone, right?
He, who in her impression was casual and plain yet always somewhat distant, how could he have frantically, humbly begged for reconciliation, how could he have spoken such cloying sweet words?
But when she opened the gallery, there was a photo.
A younger Xu Cheng was smiling. He Ruolin had never seen such a bright smile on him. He had his arm around a beautiful girl, and she was also smiling at the camera.
This was the girl from the wallpaper.
When He Ruolin looked at the wallpaper again, she noticed the mole at the corner of the girl’s eye.
He Ruolin put the phone back and pretended she knew nothing. She did not ask. She thought, everyone has a past.
She herself did too.
In the quiet of the night, did she not still feel sorrow over Wei Hang?
She was only very sad. Why had Wei Hang never treated her like this? He had even been the one to suggest breaking up first.
Why had Wei Hang not loved her to the point of madness?
She was so envious.
So envious that, for a moment, she even imagined that if she truly let go of Wei Hang and properly stayed with Xu Cheng, then someday in the future, would Xu Cheng also treat her like this?
Knowing this at that point in time was also good. She felt that she and Xu Cheng had something in common, both people trapped in the past. They should keep each other company, walk out of it together, and make a complete farewell to everything that had come before.
That day, after moving his things into Xu Cheng’s home, He Ruolin said it was too late and that she wanted to stay the night.
Xu Cheng was surprised. He said it was too far from her school, and it would be inconvenient for her to return the next morning. He might as well drive her back that night.
He Ruolin said no more. Yet because of his restraint and conservatism, she instead felt he was even better, and regretted more deeply that she had not taken things seriously earlier.
After that, He Ruolin inexplicably began to look forward to seeing Xu Cheng more.
Before, she had also looked forward to it, but it had been more like a distraction, a way to shift her attention. Now, she anticipated it as a date.
During that period, Xu Cheng finally stopped traveling for work. In theory, they could meet on weekends. But that month, two shocking cases of random rape and murder targeting women alone occurred in Yucheng.
The pressure on the Public Security to solve the cases was immense. Xu Cheng was basically at the bureau every day, not even resting on weekends, going everywhere to investigate and follow leads.
She did not see him again for more than a month.
A month and a half later, the case was finally solved. Xu Cheng and his team gathered at a street-side barbecue stall. The brothers were exhausted, and some had brought their family members or girlfriends.
By coincidence, He Ruolin’s best friend spotted Xu Cheng and immediately informed her.
He Ruolin hurried over.
At the table, she heard that this time Xu Cheng had made a major contribution. It was he who discovered an extremely crucial clue, promptly changed the direction of the investigation, and captured the suspect just as he was about to flee the outskirts of Yucheng.
Everyone praised Xu Cheng’s intelligence and professionalism. Listening to those descriptions, He Ruolin felt as though she had seen another side of him. She looked at him with admiration and felt he was remarkable.
What is called an ordinary hero was probably like this.
But Xu Cheng only smiled faintly throughout, his gaze somewhat desolate, slightly out of place with the lively table. When others spoke, he would respond a little. When praised, he said it was everyone’s contribution. Whoever toasted him, he raised his glass with ease. Yet that day he was unusually quiet, hardly speaking at all, as if he were alone among the crowd.
A girl at the table asked, “One of the victims was disabled, right?”
Someone answered, “Yeah. The place where she was attacked wasn’t far from a residential area. A few steps and she could have gotten away, but her leg… sigh, too tragic.”
He Ruolin saw Xu Cheng tilt his head back and pour a glass of alcohol down his throat. It seemed as if a glimmer of moisture flashed in his eyes. When he set the glass down, his gaze was clear again, as though it had only been an illusion.
That night, Xu Cheng got drunk. His colleagues and He Ruolin sent him home together.
“Strange, Cheng-ge never drinks like this.”
“Probably just exhausted from this month, letting loose a bit.”
After everyone left, He Ruolin brought warm water and wiped Xu Cheng’s face and neck. He was uncomfortable from the drunkenness and, as if throwing a temper, brushed her hand away and turned his head aside.
She found it a little amusing. For the first time, she used a soft coaxing tone, her voice deliberately gentle. “Let me wipe your face clean first, then you can sleep, okay?”
Hearing this, he slowly turned his head back. His eyes were pitch black, fixed on her.
She was already a little embarrassed by the affected softness in her voice just now, and under his gaze her face grew warm. “What, don’t you recognize me?”
Before she could finish speaking, Xu Cheng reached out, hooked his arm around her neck, and pulled her down, turning to hold her in his arms. He clasped her tightly, his arms like iron clamps, as if containing a long-suppressed, fervent longing that burst forth all at once.
He Ruolin could not breathe. In an instant she went weak, closing her eyes in pain yet also in a kind of happiness.
But suddenly he released her, pulling back a short distance. He quietly stared at the tear mole at the corner of her eye. A tear fell. In his eyes was boundless tenderness. “You’re back?”
He Ruolin did not understand. “Ah?”
He was too drunk. He collapsed at once, and before losing consciousness, called out, “Jiang Jiang…”
That night, He Ruolin slept on the sofa, her heart in great pain. She did not know where she should go from here. She had a premonition that she and Xu Cheng were unlikely. And it was even harder for her to believe that the phone she had seen before, which she had thought was just an old thing, something already past, clearly was not. Xu Cheng had not moved on. So many years had passed. Why could he not forget, and yet…
The next morning, He Ruolin said, “You hugged me yesterday.”
Xu Cheng raised his eyes.
She lowered her head. “We’ve never even hugged before. If it weren’t for you being drunk this time…”
As Xu Cheng remained silent, she asked, “Who is Jiang Jiang?”
This time, He Ruolin told him that she had also gone through a breakup. She said she could understand that coming out of a previous relationship was not easy. She had worked hard for a long time and felt she had improved.
She said she still hoped to continue with Xu Cheng.
She would give him some time. If he wanted to walk out of the past and be with her, they might as well put the past down and try openly, with their hearts laid bare. If not, then they would part peacefully.
No matter what, she was still grateful that he had accompanied her like a friend through her most difficult days.
He Ruolin did not know whether Xu Cheng had thought about this question. But not long after, she saw in the news that a major case requiring joint supervision had come to the neighboring city. She guessed Xu Cheng was once again working around the clock without rest.
By the time the case was over, the season had already changed.
He Ruolin did not contact him, and he did not contact her.
By then, He Ruolin’s heart had already calmed. She no longer secretly checked Wei Hang’s social media. Only when she walked around campus and saw places where many beautiful memories of the past four years had happened would she still calmly think of Wei Hang.
Of course, she would also think of Xu Cheng. When she did, she would smile to herself. To have had such an encounter was, in its own way, something rather wondrous.
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